On The Plate ... 9/21/07

The Heart Of Darkness

As several buddies and I strolled down Bourbon Street late last Friday night following a money rehearsal party for Shaf's wedding, I shared the following exchange in a state of sheer delirium…

Fresh: Where the F are we going?
CSG: I'm going about 75 clicks above the Do Lung Bridge.
Free: That's Cambodia, dude.
CSG: That's classified.

That's pretty much all I'm going to say about my trip last weekend to the Big Easy. No, Hurricane Humberto didn't lay a finger on any of us. That sick deviant. And yes, it was all insanity all the time. Did I like the New Orleans? Yea, I did…a lot. However, I want it on the record that I think New Orleans is the most lawless, lunatic fringe environment I've ever been in my life. It makes Las Vegas look like Disneyland. In Vegas, you can find trouble, degeneracy and filth. In The Easy, all that xrap finds you, and finds you on the quickstep. Umm…what does that say about me in that I just said that I really liked NO? I'd bet it probably says that I went to the Bayou for my boy's wedding, kicked it with a bunch of homeboys I hadn't seen in way too long, and had a sicko three day run. Yep, that's it.

Needless to say, I didn't catch a whole lot of 'ball while eating Po'Boys, dancing to Trombone Shorty, and being paraded around New Orleans by a police escort and a brass band. Don't ask, just believe. Anyway, here are my $0.02 on the post-mortem from last week's noise…

Troy is a covering machine…is it bad if the 'Cuse all-orange suits are growing on me?...apparently UNC is not better than UVA…if I were a UVA fan, I'd want the 'Hoos to lose games to UNC, etc., so that it's a lock that Groh gets canned…I was dead wrong - Wisconsin is no good…what the F is happening in Auburn?...Brandon Cox might be the second worst QB in the country behind Sean Glennon at V-Tech…Chase Daniel is really, really good…If George O' Leary was coaching Texas, they'd have won multiple national championships…back to being no good, how about them Hawkeyes?...impressive W by the Buckeyes in Seattle…that being said, the Big Ten is officially a joke…I swear that Charlie Weis is an offensive genius! Pay him more money!...Florida is damn good, but I'd be very embarrassed if I were a Vols fan…UCLA's performance against Utah = hello, Pac-9…I haven't stopped laughing hysterically since the winless Utes hung 44 on the Bruins, thus decimating all that "the Pac-10's so awesome" chatter…and then there were three (I guess) - USC, Cal, and Oregon (for beating Michigan?)…apparently Nick Saban's still got the voodoo…how did Houston Nutt's boys blow that game?…Dores!...Andre Woodson!...Blue Devils!...Noles?...Trojans. Trojans. Trojans. Whimper.

Thursday, September 20

Texas A&M at Miami (-2) - It's Thursday, I just got back from New Orleans, I'm still tired, and I need something to get involved in. And voila! The Aggies are getting 2. You know what? I'm going to keep betting the Big 12 until I run out of money (see Nebraska x2, Texas in week 1, 'Rado in week 3). Just kidding, kind of. On the real, after the Canes pasting in Norman two weeks ago, and then a weak performance last week against FIU in the OB, I can guarantee two things…1) The OB will be half full tonight because the Canes are average. 2) The Canes O is horrendous. In other words, the crowd will be weak and the Canes O, if we're lucky, might score. That's an exaggeration, but not by much. On the flip, the Aggies (scratch the near-fiasco that was the Fresno game) are talented on both sides of the ball. At least I think so. Here's the catch: the Aggies are a ground attack team, specifically an option team. The Canes D, although not on par with past D's, is still a Canes D, aka they are fast as balls rolling down hill on concrete. In other words, can the Aggies establish a running attack? I think they can. Why? Because the option will stall early, the Aggies will pound the biggin' Javorskie Lane up the middle for chunks of yardage, the Canes will have to respect the inside, and then McGee and Goodson will bust the corner on the outside. That's my little song and dance. Take the points.

Saturday, September 22 - Quick hits, but bet 'em all

Air Force (+11) at BYU - This line HAS to be wrong. Follow along with me…Air Force beats Utah at Utah 20-12, then BYU loses at UCLA 27-17, and then UCLA loses at Utah 44-3. And the Falcons are getting points?!? 11 of them?!? Insane. Bet the Falcons.

Michigan State (-12.5) at Notre Dame - The Irish can't score, and the Irish can't stop anybody. Any questions? Ugh, yea, I've got one…Michigan State sucks too, don't they? That's correct, Jimmy. But not as badly as the Irish, and the Spartans have owned the Irish this decade. Don't expect any differently come Saturday.

Maryland at Wake Forest (-3.5) - Wake taught me a lesson two weeks ago about betting against Wake in Winston-Salem. Don't. This should be a good game, but 3.5 points is not enough. Wake wins by a touch.

South Carolina at LSU (-17) - The best team in America shows it again. I don't care how good the Ole Ball Coach says the Gamecocks are. The Bayou Bengals are in a very, very elite club that the Gamecocks are light years way from touching. In fact, the Gamecocks won't score. Bet the under-46 as well. 31-0 LSU.

Georgia at Alabama (-3.5) - The first Dawg road game plus another Tide home game means Tide wins and covers, especially after the offensive outburst the Crimson & Clover had last week. Why? Well…Georgia's W over Okie State doesn't mean squat after the Pokes dropped one at Troy last week. In other words, the Dawgs are still untested. The Tide is 2-for-2 in real tests - W at the Dores, and W at home in a shootout versus the Hogs. And if you believe this one is going to be a defensive struggle, who better to have your coin with than Nick Saban? Exactly.

Oregon State at Arizona State (-12.5) - Is Dennis Erickson a phoenix in Tempe? (You love that play on words, don't you?) He might be. The Sun Devils are 3-0 (all W's at home), including a romp over the Buffs two weekends ago. The Beavers, on the other hand, have played one game away from home - in Cincinnati - and got handled 34-3. Cincy is good, no doubt, but going to the desert where it's going to be hot, hot, hot against an ASU offense that it putting up big points is going to make for a long day for the Beavers. And after watching that OSU/Cincy game, I realized two things…1) The kid playing QB for the Beavers is awful, and 2) I'll never bet on the Beavers again this season. Just keep those realizations in mind when deciding to throw on this game or not.

For the record, I'm 18-18, with three pushes, after three weeks. Those #'s include all of the "interesting, but don't touch games". If I only count the games I said to throw on, I'm 14-11 with 2 pushes. Not good, not bad. I need a shot in the arm. Week 4 it is.

P.S. - If you weren't already aware, it's pretty apparent that there are only four teams that can win the national championship - USC, LSU, Oklahoma and Florida. Kind of depressing considering it's only week 4, huh?

P.P.S. - A Red Sox choke would make my year, I'm 100% behind the Cubs winning the NL Central, and a Phillies over the Mets would be amazing, but the thing I'm losing the most sleep about in the land of baseball are the remaining 11 games for the "National Joke-store", aka the Orioles. The Birds only have a 2 game lead on the Devil Rays for not only the cellar of the AL East, but the worst record in baseball as well. God, I'm anxious as F.

Last Updated: September 10, 2007

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