On The Plate ... 9/13/07

Land of Confusion

There's too many men,
Too many people,
Making too many problems,
And not much love to go round,
Cant you see,
This is the land of confusion.

Do me a favor. Pretend you are a Michigan fan. Now re-read the aforementioned lyrics. Pretty f'ing pertinent, huh? Now pretend you are a Notre Dame fan. Re-read. Same deal. Noles? Yep. Canes? Sure. Hokies? You bet.

Now thank Phil Collins and Genesis for writing a brilliant song about the ups and downs of being a college football fan. I know I have…I just bought 'Invisible Touch.' (Queue British accent for following sentence.) And you fought Phil and nem lot was a bunch of pitch lovin' geezers? Wrong. They love football. American-style. There's a problem though. Your boy Phil Collins' solution to all the confusion ain't no good…

This is the world we live in,
And these are the hands we're given,
Use them and let's start trying,
To make it a place worth living in.

Phil is no longer my boy, and 'Invisible Touch' just got sent back to Amazon. What the F kind of solution is this? What happens when the hands we have can't do a GD thing right? The Wolves can try all they want, but nobody in Ann Arbor wants to live at 0-2. Nor do the Irish. And one of them is going to be 0-3 after this weekend. Folks in Miami want to know how to erase a 51-13 decapitation at the hands of the Sooners from their memory. Folks in Blacksburg got their teeth kicked in on national TV, and now have a freshman QB at the helm. Comforting for a program thinking about an ACC championship and BCS bid? Not exactly. In other words, Phil Collins knows a lot about confusion, but doesn't have the faintest f'ing idea on how to get rid of it. Know what? Me neither.

To the Confusion-Mobile… I wrote it last week, and I'm writing it again this week: what the F are they doing in Ann Arbor? The A-State game can be played off as just not being ready to play/getting shocked by a team that was more than ready to play. The loss to the Duck Duck Goose was a downright massacre. As much as it really doesn't matter at this juncture, I back Mike Hart's guarantee of a W over the Irish. At least the kid still has some fire in his belly…does the Pac-10 deserve some props after two weeks of play for the Cal W over the Vols, the Oregon W at Michigan, and Washington's 2-0 start including a W over Boise State? Sure it does and I'm the one giving it. That being said, though, let's not get too nutty. Look, we'll find out how good the Vols are this weekend in the Swamp, we know Michigan blows and Boise State, for all they did last year, ain't the same team. Not to mention that Oregon State got shellacked at Cincinnati and UCLA struggled mightily with BYU in the Rose Bowl. In other words, yes, the Pac-10 has some solid W's, but everybody relack on crowning the conference the king of the hill after two weeks of 'ball…Staying in the Dime, I love the fact that Ty Willingham is resurrecting the Huskies program behind all-everything QB Jake Locker. Ty & Co are killing Irish fans softly…regarding Notre Dame, and more specifically Charlie Weis, I can't stop laughing hysterically. Two games. No offensive touchdowns. Weis is an offensive genius!...the whiteout at Penn State was absolutely awesome looking…someone please tell me that the 'Shoe at Ohio State isn't revamped with turf? Please. Turf at the Horseshoe? And you wonder why I hate Ohio State…does Dennis Francione know what he's doing? From where I'm sitting, his Aggie team seems pretty loaded on both sides of the ball, yet A&M seems to do their best every week to try and lose. McGee, Goodson and Lane shouldn't go to 3 OTs in College Station against Fresno State…I thought Sam Keller and the Nebraska offense was supposed to light people up this year? Hmm, looks like I was wrong again, unless the erratic performance at Wake was an anomaly. Huskers fans better hope so, and hope the O wakes up on the quickstep before the Trojans roll into town this weekend…the Sooners are the best team in the country that not a lot of people know about. Yet. Just ask the Canes. What planet did Sooner freshman QB Sam Bradford come from? Seriously. The kid is the answer to all of the Sooners problems since Jason White graduated. Bradford is f'ing awesome…If I were a Canes fan, I'd forgive, forget and move on from the experience in Norman. OU is just way, way better than Miami. I had no idea. Randy Shannon will be good at the U. Just not yet. However, I don't know if I'd forgive Coach Shannon for giving the nod to those new Tron-esque Cane suits. Why does Miami always have a lot of horizontal lines on their suits? It looks ridiculous…Speaking of suits, but not speaking about forgiving, the Dores all-white uni's are tight. Regarding forgiveness, I like the fact that Dores fans booed during portions of the Alabama loss. Yes, Vanderbilt football fans booed at times during a loss to "mighty" Alabama. Frankly, they should have. I truly believe that the Dores have the talent to compete with the Alabama's, Arkansas's, Georgia's and South Carolina's of the SEC. (Notice I didn't mention LSU, Florida, Auburn or Tennesee.) And the Dores didn't show an ounce of it last weekend. In fact, the Dores looked confused, unprepared and downright weak. Fans should expect more and do expect more. Did you know that this year Vanderbilt sold the most season tickets it has since 1997? Granted 14,000 season ticket holders is paltry for the SEC, but it's a start. The coaching staff, and the team, has to get on board. It sounds like the community has…I can't imagine Toomer's Corner was a fun place to hang out last Saturday night after the Bulls of South Florida hung an L on the War Eagle community. South Florida wins at Auburn? Jesus…I can't even write about the 'Noles. They're an absolute joke. Not an "OK, they haven't looked good in their first two games, but they'll get things together this week" joke, but an "I'm acknowledging that they are now a second tier program, and there's nothing anyone can say or do about it" joke. It's depressing. I'm lost, confused and irate.

Interesting, but don't touch 'em…

Mississippi State at Auburn (-13.5) - Does Jordan-Hare Stadium rock 'n roll with a notion of vengeance following the South Florida debacle or does the Auburn O show the same ineptitude it has in the first two weeks? You tell me. I have no idea.

Iowa at Iowa State (+17.5) - Look, I know that the Cyclones have gotten beaten by two mutts (Kent State and Northern Iowa) already at home this season, but there's something about this rivalry that makes 17.5 points seem like a lot. Maybe I've lost all sense of reality, but I think this game is closer than people think. Or Iowa wins by 100.

Tennessee at Florida (-8) - I have way too many questions about this game to get involved in it. First and foremost, are the Vols any good? After getting punked at Cal, and struggling with Southern Miss at home, I'm not so convinced that they are. But, I wouldn't bet against the Vols showing up big in this game against their hated rival. Remember that the Bugs Bunny Giant (aka, Phil Fulmer) is 0-2 against Urban Meyer. Will the BBG have his boys amped up for the game? On the other side of the ball, how will Tim Tebow handle his first true test as a starter in a super heated SEC rivalry? I understand that he has big game experience, but he's never truly had the entire game resting on his shoulders. In this game, he does. Also, it ain't like the young Gators have been tested by anyone yet as they've been romping around in the Sun Belt conference. (See Western Kentucky and Troy W's). The last time I checked the Vols had a lot more talent than the Hilltoppers and the Trojans. In other words, how good are the young Gators? Playing at the Swamp helps, but 8 points might be a lot. At 6.5, I'd bet on the Gatorade just because of the Swamp factor.

Ohio State at Washington (+4.5) - This game is very interesting, and we'll learn a lot from it. A few things to think about…1) Huskie freshman QB Jake Locker is a beast, but he's never faced a D like the Buckeyes will bring. 2) The Buckeyes O stinks. 3) Ty's got the Husky Nation believing, and apparently Husky Stadium gets really, really loud. 4) The Buckeyes have much more overall talent than the Huskies. What's the point? Point is to stay away from this one.

Louisville at Kentucky (+7) - The quarterback everyone knows about, Brian Brohm, versus the quarterback no one knows about, Andre Woodson. Well, not everyone…I know about Andre Woodson. He lit up Clemson last year in the Music City Bowl. He's really athletic, has a strong arm, and kind of reminds me of a young Troy Smith. In other words, I think he's pretty f'ing good. UK will score, and score a lot in this game. The kicker is that so will Louisville. In a defenseless game, one bad bounce can kill a 7 point line. Stay away from picking who covers/who doesn't, and take a chance on the 77 point over.

FSU at Colorado (+4.5) - I don't bet on Noles games. In addition, I never bet against the Noles. But if I did, I'd bet the huevos rancheros on the Buffs getting 4.5 at home. The Noles giving 4.5 on the road in the mountains against a 'tougher than people think' 'Rado team is laughable. The Noles blow.

Bet 'em…the "better team" argument abounds…

West Virginia at Maryland (+17) - Let's get this out of the way…I like the Terps in this one. Thursday night, ESPN, in College Park, hundreds of thousands of beers consumed, tons of broken noses, a smorgasbord of 'F you!''s, and some illegitimate children. You can't beat that scenario with a stick. Although there's a good chance someone will get beaten with a stick in the parking lot pre- and post-game. Now, all that nonsense being said, do I like the fact that Maryland had to scrap its way to a W last weekend at Florida International? Umm, not one bit. Does this make me nervous as F giving 17 points to the Mountaineers? Not as much as you'd think. Why? Because WVU hasn't played a team worth a damn yet (sorry Western Michigan and Marshall), the Mountaineers are suspect on the road, Maryland's D is by far the best D WVU has seen in a while, and Byrd Stadium will be loco hombre. Am I taking a chance? Absolutely GD right, I am. Do I feel good about it? In all honesty, I do.

UVA at UNC (-3) - UNC is a better team. They are better coached, they have better athletes and they're playing at home. This one is easy.

Western Michigan at Missouri (-20.5) - The Broncos lost by 38 at West Virginia. In that game, Pat White threw for 200 yards and two touchdowns. Missouri's QB Chase Daniel, aka the most underrated/under-publicized QB in the country, will double that effort with ease. I understand that Mizzou gave up a lot of points in their first two games to Illinois and Ole Miss, but they were both road games against BCS conference opponents. Relax…Mizzou comes home to a sold-out stadium and WMU's O is not the Illini or the Rebs. Believe me. If WMU only mustered 24 points in Morgantown (a place where defense is optional), I'm not scared. Tigers roll big.

Notre Dame at Michigan (-7.5) - Forget that both of these mutt teams are 0-2. Who's the better team? Who's the better team by leaps and bounds? Michigan, even with a freshman QB. I know this. You know this. The whole world knows this, except Las Vegas. Despite this game being a non-issue on the national scale, you better believe that it carries a lot of weight in Ann Arbor and South Bend. I believe it is WAY more important to folks in Ann Arbor. In other words, the Wolves will be fired up for this. Mike Hart is not wrong. Fact: the Irish offense is not like A-State and Oregon. It's way more straightforward, and it's atrocious to boot. Michigan's D will look much better this week and Ryan Mallett will throw 2 touches. Buy a half point for safety and bet Michigan.

Arkansas (+3) at Alabama - Last week, South Carolina proved that winning on the road in the SEC is doable. It's doable especially when you have a better team. And, the Hogs have just that…a better team. After watching 'Bama last week at Vanderbilt, Saban's Tide has a lot of work to do on both sides of the ball. Take the points and ride the Darren McFadden train to a W.

USC (-10) at Nebraska - I'm going to put my money where my mouth is regarding the Huskers. I've been chirping about them for two years. I gave them props for their efforts last year in their loss to the Trojans in L.A. I've said that they are knocking on the door to get back into the club of elite teams in the nation. Forget last week's weak performance at Wake. Keller, Callahan & Co were thinking ahead to this week. They will be ready. The Trojans are young. John David Booty is overrated. And Memorial Stadium will be rocking. The Huskers not only cover, but they win. Payback, dude, payback. You heard it here first.

(P.S. - Betting the Huskers is insane.)

(P.P.S. - The CSG two column format begins next week. Now, I'm off to New Orleans to wrestle with Humberto…that miserable SOB.)

Last Updated: September 10, 2007

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