On The Plate ... 10/3/07

It'll Flip Ya. Flip Ya For Real.

Norman, Gainesville, Morgantown, Austin, Piscataway, Eugene, Clemson, Happy Valley and Tuscaloosa. Now that's some serious flippage, folks. In fact, that's the biggest serving of loco pie I've witnessed on a Saturday in quite some time. And the beautiful thing is that the reverberations from all the nuttiness are still being digested. Is South Florida really #6? Yep. Is BC #7? Indeed. Kentucky is #8? Believe it. In the words of The Usual Suspects' Fenster…"Wha tha Fa?" Exactly. (The fact that I just felt it necessary to write "The Usual Suspects" in front of "Fenster" as if folks who read the CSG weren't completely A-to-Z on the Suspects makes me irate at myself. I apologize for questioning your depth and breadth of ridiculous xrap knowledge.) In case you didn't notice, I'm running with the Usual Suspects theme for this column. Why? 1) Since I started this column, I've wanted to write a Usual Suspects-meshed-into-sports column yet haven't had the right material. I might have it this time. Might. 2) I'm taking it upon myself to give last Saturday's action a little more personality compared to the kindergarten-esque media mantra of "Insanity Saturday." Is that best anyone could come up with? Really? 3) I've never met anyone who didn't like The Usual Suspects. I also figured it would make for a relatively entertaining column, especially after I threw a zero on the column board last week. I guess the "entertaining" part remains to be seen.

So, here it go…a conference by conference breakdown dictated by the Usual Suspects…

"I can't feel my legs…Keyser." - Dean Keaton

The Big 12, obviously. The 12 was the one conference that got shot in the back, and can no longer walk, after Saturday. Sure, there's a lot of ball left to be played, and no, I don't think we've heard the last word from the Sooners, but when a conference's two aces get double-punked by (forgive me 'Buffs and 'Cats) lowly competition, it's clearly a surprising day. Almost as surprising as finding out that Dean Keaton was not Keyser Soze. Ever since Vince Young carried Mack Brown's "legitimacy" and the 'Horns to the national championship two years ago, the Big 12 has tried to act a lot like the Keyser conference in the land. It's been tough on paper, it's talked a great game, but in the end it has consistently fallen victim to its own surprising mortality…kind of like Keaton. According to Texans, Colt McCoy was the "next best thing" in college football last year…until he lost two of his last three games of the season. And now he's dropped a home game to Kansas State the week before the Red River Shootout. The fact is that McCoy is just not that good. On the other side of the "river", it's been the same story. The Sooners were going to be back in the national championship race last year with Rhett Bomar and Adrian Peterson…until Bomar took a wad of cash, and the Sooners got throttled by Texas in the RRS. And now, the Sooners are 0-1 in the Big 12, after looking like a wrecking ball in weeks 1-4.

Folks are writing off the RRS this year as a second tier game due to the two losses last week. I disagree. I think the game becomes that much more important. Why? Teams are dropping like flies and it's not inconceivable to see USC, LSU, Cal, Ohio State and the other "unbeatens" all choke down an L at some point this year. (It's wild that I'm counting unbeaten teams in only Week 5. But that's the beauty of college ball.) Anyway, the loser of the Red River Shootout on Saturday is officially shot in the head dead. But the winner, if they can win out and do so impressively, can be right back in the thick of the "crystal egg" talks come late November. There's a lot of ball left to be played. I can't emphasize this enough.

Moving on, we can add Nebraska, Texas A&M, and Oklahoma State to the Dean Keaton theory as well. Easily. I'm a grade-A moron for thinking that the Huskers are back, and for thinking that Sam Keller would easily mesh into Bill Callahan's insanely complex offense. The Huskers flat out stink, and Keller is flat out average…at least thus far. And as for A&M, the game in the OB is all the proof that anyone needs to realize that Dennis Franchione has no idea how to motivate kids, and should probably be given the hook at the end of the year. The Aggies were downright embarrassing. A&M has done absolutely nothing during Fran's tenure, other than beating Texas in Austin last year. (In all actuality, that might be enough in College Station to re-sign Fran to a 10-year contract.) And last but not least, while Mike Gundy's tirade was a thing of sheer beauty, the Pokes L at Troy was not at all.

It's one thing to lose, but to get absolutely crushed by a tough opponent or to get punked by exceedingly lower competition is another thing. And the Big 12 is rife with that kind of punkage this year. See the Sooners at Buffs, KSU at Texas, USC at Nebraska, A&M at Miami, Pokes at Troy, and hell, even the Huskers W over Ball State on a missed FG should be considered a loss of face for the conference. The problem with these kinds of performances is that the conference later loses the ability to say, for instance, "Missouri is 11-1, with its only loss at Oklahoma. They should be in the BCS hunt." Response: "So what? Who'd they beat? Nebraska? Get the F out of my face." Now, I'm not saying Mizzou is going to go 11-1 but their schedule is somewhat favorable and they don't play Texas. But it's a shame that such a proud conference has dogged it this far this year and could potentially keep one of its own out of the hunt come hunt time. This won't matter though if the Tigers don't beat Nebraska in Columbia on Saturday. If they don't, they'll get added to this list…along with the rest of their conference brethren that can't feel their legs.

"There's nothing that can't be done." - McManus

This was the Big East's rallying cry at the beginning of the season. West Virginia, Louisville and Rutgers were all highly ranked and the "Big East in the BCS Championship" bandwagon was scooping up folks left and right. Well, that bandwagon has since driven its pretty little self off a f'ing cliff. However, I'd argue that the leap to the bottom of the gorge was potentially a bit premature. Work with me here…sure, Louisville gave up 38 points in a loss to the 'Cuse. (Laugh riotously for 30 seconds, and then begin reading again.) But did anyone honestly think that Louisville was any good? I didn't think so. You can't be all that great if you can't play any defense. Defense is something that hasn't been done for years at UofL.

And yes, I know that Rutgers got worked at home against the Terps and their backup quarterback. Honestly, how did this happen? I thought Greg Schiano was a defensive wizard. I thought Teel and Rice would go loco on the Terps D. So did Vegas…the Knights were 18.5 point favorites at kickoff. Ouch. A middle of the pack ACC team goes to Piscataway and works over the one highly touted Big East contender that actually plays defense? Apparently the Terps were the only ones that thought this could get done.

And yes, I know that West Virginia went to Tampa talking yap and came home with muzzles on after getting worked by those pesky "We've-only-been-playing-football-at-USF-for-10-years" Bulls.

But wait, here's the catch. Here's where "there's nothing that can't be done" comes back into play. This is the second year in a row that the Bulls have beaten the Mountaineers, who arguably have the best running attack in the county. USF held WVU to 13 points. 13 f'ing points. I'm aware that Pat White got hurt in the second quarter, but holding the Mounties to 13 points is holding the Mounties to 13 points. Steve Slaton only ran for 54 yards. The Mounties committed 6 turnovers. Respect to the Bull D. Folks thought USF had a shot to win, but I don't think they had a 21-13 game penciled in. Maybe the Bulls are for real. Maybe the Bulls can pick up the Big East torch and prove "there's nothing that can't be done." It would make a helluva story. The Bulls have to travel to Rutgers in three weekends and then get Cincinnati and Louisville at home. This schedule is doable. Don't forget that WVU killed the Terps in College Park. USF beats WVU, MD beats the Rut Rut Goose…makes an interesting argument as to the Bulls having a shot against the Scarlet Knights, doesn't it? Yes, it do.

In the Usual Suspects, four men tried to hijack $80 million of cocaine off that boat and only one came out alive. He turned out to be Keyser Soze. Likewise, three teams entered this season poised to come out with a Big East championship, a BCS berth and a potential national championship berth. But all three have been killed. South Florida was never mentioned for a potential national championship "hijacking". But they stayed quiet, and bided their time…kind of like Verbal Kint. Maybe the Bulls are a little more than we think right now. We'll find out more in three weeks in Piscataway. (I guess Cincy could make the same case too, but they've got to win one big game before they get the nod.)

More conference breakdowns by the Usual Suspects to come…stay tuned…but first…

Thursday Night Lights:

Kentucky at South Carolina (-4) - I'm happy for Kentucky. I really am. They're 5-0 and ranked 8th in country. This doesn't happen often in Lexington unless we're talking hardwood. (An aside, as if Billy Gillespie didn't have enough pressure on him to win and win now, after replacing Tubby Smith, but UK is now threatening to become a football school. Seriously. Not seriously. But seriously, regarding some added pressure to Gillespie, if the 'Cats finish in the Top 25 and go to a good bowl and the 'Cats hoops team loses an early game, we'll hear the "We can't wait until football season" jokes. Even if they aren't serious, we'll hear them.) Anyway, back to the game. So, I was saying that I am all like "God, Kentucky is such a great story" and "Man, wouldn't that be wild if Andre Woodson wins the Heisman." They are, and it would be wild. But…(you knew this was coming)…after watching the first 5 weeks, I'm not so sold on the 'Cats D, and I'm not sold that UK has played anyone that plays any D. OK, Louisville and Arkansas are high-potency offensive teams, so maybe it is fair that the 'Cats gave up 63 combined points in those two games. But now, we know that UofL is a joke, and that the Hogs give up points like they're getting paid to do so (which they might be). Simply put, I'm not sold on the 'Cats. On the flip, I am sold on the Gamecocks. Big time sold. Why? One reason: their performance in Death Valley two weekends ago. Not only did they score the first TD of the game (a huge point in my book, especially in Baton Rouge), not only did they score 16 total points, but they only gave up 3 offensive touchdowns to the Bayou Bengals. (I'm not counting the fake field goal…which was obviously brilliant…and doubly brilliant because it got a chuckle out of Spurrier.) Anyway, giving up only 21 points in Death Valley is serious, serious junk. I know it was raining, and a sloppy field, but the Gamecocks proved to me they can play defense. I didn't believe it after the Georgia game. Now I do. (Oh, and frosh QB Chris Smelley is much, much better than senior delinquent Blake Mitchell. 38 points last week against Mississippi State is a pretty good start to Smelley's campaign. It ain't like the 'Cats D has shown a lot of umph to date. Smelley should be fine, especially since the burden against the 'Cats will be on RBs Cory Boyd and Mike Davis shoulders.) Give the points, try to bet it down to minus-3, and take the 'Cocks.

P.S. - Kelly Pavlik is the only person I've ever liked in Ohio State gear. If you aren't in tune with what the F I'm talking about, do yourself a HUGE favor, and figure it out…and then go watch the replay of the fight on HBO. It was nothing short of amazing.

Last Updated: October 3, 2007

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