On The Plate ... 10/5/06

Over the River and Through the Woods…

…to Jordan-Hare Stadium I go. Yep, it's Auburn weekend. And, yea it's going to be loco among the 87,451 rabid Tigers fans. And yea, I'm pretty fired up about the whole damn idea of it all.

But, first things first, my apologies for the erratic column timing recently. I've been all over the GD place traveling for work. Thus, getting a size column in order about my escapades in Chicago took a little longer than initially planned. So there it is.

Luckily, I was able to catch the early flight out of Minneapolis tonight, giving me some time to chirp a little bit about last week's action and this week's slate. And we all know that there ain't no better place to write a column than from 39,000 feet in the friendly skies when you are zipping back to the District from the Twin Cities. You're probably asking the question "What the F was that boy doing in Minneapolis?" Good question. Well, after a few exhilarating meetings in Minny, I took a bus tour to several poor man's Targets in northern Minnesota. Say what? Don't ask. Not kind of awesome. Don't get me wrong…I'm not knocking the Twin Cities. Not at all. In fact, I really liked what I saw from my brief stint in Minny. "Saw" being the key word in that sentence. I did a little bit of "see," not a lot of "do." Between powerpoint presentations and strolling the aisles of retail stores, I didn't get much of an opportunity to cut loose in the land of 10,000 lakes.

(Well, what do you know? Madison, Wisconsin is talking to me out the window. I really hope that this isn't the closest I ever get to Badger country. I had no friggin' idea that the Badgers were jammed in between two lakes like that. Camp Randall looks glorious. Yes, I'm talking to myself. I'm delirious.)

Highlight of the Minnesota trip: driving by the prison where Shawshank Redemption was filmed. Is that even a highlight? God, I hope so because it's all I've got. Well, that and I loaded up on St.Cloud State Huskies gear while in St.Cloud, MN. Obviously. For the record, I plan on dying in St.Cloud. A helluva town. A return trip to MN is definitely in order…but one with duration and lots of fun.

Wait, just Minneapolis this week? F no. I was in the Northern Neck of Virginia on Tuesday and half of Wednesday. You know the Northern Neck, right? Such metropolises as Tappahannock, Warsaw and Irvington. Again, don't ask. However, if you find yourself in Irvington, swing into the Tides Inn for dinner. The panneed flounder with crab meat and asparagus is off the charts. In all fairness, the Tides Inn is pretty damn money in and of itself. I definitely would recommend the joint for a homeboy and his ladyfriend to holler at. (Everybody relax. Look, the beef brisket sandwich I just destroyed at TGI Friday's made me tired as balls, I'm writing a column from 39,000 feet in the air and I'm listening to "Easy Lover" at an unparalleled decibel level. In other words, let the boy recommend a joint for a homeboy and his ladyfriend to holler at, ok? OK.)

More of anything? More of everything!

Top 10 observations from last week's action…

1. The "clever" title of my Chicago column was incorrect. The song by Chicago is "25 or 6 to 4", not "25 to 6 or 4" as I wrote. Who's a dumb dumb? Gracias.
2. Spending eight hours at J Paul's on a Saturday afternoon leads to a) nothing but trouble later that evening and b) devastated brains come Sunday. Just a head's up for the kids out there.
3. Blake Mitchell will never throw another pass at South Carolina. And why would he? Syvelle Newton, Mitchell's so-called backup, was retarded good against Auburn last Thursday in Columbia. If I were in the SEC, I wouldn't want to be playing the Gamecocks anytime soon. The Ole Ball Coach's brain combined with Newton chucking the rock and Sidney Rice and Kenny McKinley catching the aforementioned rock makes the 'Cocks look dangerous as all get out. Hmm, sorry Kentucky…you've got honors this weekend.
4. Gators throwbacks? F'ing money.
5. Gators not covering? Costing me money. If the GD Gators had won by 1 more point, I would have hit an 8-game parlay that, needless to say, would have paid me a considerable amount of coin. I'm not so sure that the other folks at J Paul's were too thrilled with me and my boy, Wes, as we were screaming "kick the f'ing FG" at the big screen after the Tide turned it over on downs with one and a half minutes to go on their own 5 yard line. If that SOB Urban Meyer kicks, I'm writing this column from the deck of my new yacht. Instead, I'm tired and sweaty on a plane headed back from Minneapolis. What a GD shame.
6. What's the over/under on girlfriends thrown down a flight of stairs in Blacksburg last Saturday night? Answer: the over. The Jackets whipped the Hokies at Lane Stadium exacting revenge from last year's 51-7 thrashing at the same joint. In case you weren't aware of it, the ACC screwed up and put G-Tech on the road at V-Tech for the second straight year. And now to the Yellow Jackets' delight, not only are they the top "Tech" in the country, but they are now frontrunners to win the ACC. FYI, circle October 21 on your calendar if you are a fan of the ACC…G-Tech plays at Clemson. The winner will be the best team in the league.
7. Speaking of "Tech's", how about them Red Raiders cutting the hearts out of the Aggie faithful Magua-style? I loved it. How much? After seeing the highlight, Wes and I did an Irish jig…in the middle of J Paul's. We had T-Tech wheeled in several parlays…the jig was called for.
8. Who else thinks that beating Houston by 1 point at the OB in a nail-biter is the equivalent of a loss for the Canes? Any chatter like "Canes get a big W" or "W by Canes is a stepping stone for the rest of the season" is complete nonsense. Larry Coker is done. Do you realize that the Canes are only five years removed from having won 34 straight games? Now, they're a joke. Somewhere Butch Davis is getting ready to get paid.
9. Michigan State is for real. Real bad in losing at home to the Illini. Umm, what does that say about Notre Dame? It says not real in South Bend. Is Nebraska for real? An OT W at home over the mighty Mangino's makes me scratch my head. Is Missouri for real? I don't know yet. They need to play someone worth a damn. Georgia is not for real. Oregon is for real. Indeed.
10. Ohio State is the best team in the country. Bar none.

Is there a more underrated song than The Outfield's "Your Love"? I didn't think so.

Speaking of jokes, see the Noles. While they look outstanding in their all white suits, there is nothing outstanding about losing back to back ACC games to Clemson and NC State. This pains me to no end. You really have no idea. I give up. I want to throw up. Absolutely f'ing atrocious.

Ones You Don't Want to Miss This Weekend…

LSU (+1.5) at Florida - Last week in the Swamp, the Gators looked average against the Tide. Average won't get it done against one of the sickest D's in the land. On the flip, watch JaMarcus Russell bust loose on the Gator D. Love the Tigers.

Oklahoma (+4.5) vs Texas in Dallas - Adrian Peterson should win the Heisman. He's not only ridiculous but he's the only reason the Sooners are as competitive as they are. Unfortunately for the folks in Norman, AP ain't gonna be enough to beat the 'Horns. Bet UT.

Tennessee (-3) at Georgia - I don't care who Mark Richt starts at QB against the Vols. The Dawg offense is still going to be as bad as bad gets. Georgia should have lost to the Buffs two weeks ago. The last time I checked the Vols were not the Buffs. Love the Vols.

Oregon (+4.5) at Cal - All I know about this game is that the over/under should be no less than 100. Still bet the over.

On the Slate…

What happens when you miss an eight game parlay by 1 point? You get back in the mix, that's what. Take LSU (+1.5) at Florida, the Vols (-3) at Georgia, the Gamecocks (-5) at Kentucky, UCLA (-12) versus 'Zona, Washington (+19) at USC, Clemson (-17) at Wake, West Virginia (-21) at Miss State, and Washington State (+3) at Oregon State. That's eight games. Let's get this done.

Coming next week…a full report from "the plains of Auburn" before I head to "the third coast" of Austin.