On The Plate ... 3/8/06 - 3/9/06

Confusion, Enlightenment, A Little Exhaust and Some Madness

Strap in, homeboys and homegirls. It's about that time of the year when things (or should I say, the CSG) gets a little nutty. Championship Week. Can you beat it? Hell no, not even with a big hate stick. And Selection Sunday, aka Christmas in March is right around the corner. In other words, I pretty much can't control myself. I haven't been sleeping very well, I haven't had a cohesive thought in days and Dale Jrs seem to be the only thing keeping me relatively level headed…which is highly dangerous. Am I excited for the Madness to kick off? Absolutely GD right. Kind of like never getting out of the boat. F'ing tigers, man, f'ing tigers.

Thoughts from the Madness (3/8/06)…

So Syracuse loses last week by 39 at DePaul, everyone says they are dead in the water, and then Gerry Mac saves the Nation of Orange with a "Coach Boeheim lined the pockets of the zebras at MSG so it's OK to take an extra two steps to create room" running three pointer. Some things never change in the Big Feast. Do the Orange have to beat UConn on Thursday to Dance? Indeed, very much so. Is Cincinnati doomed because they've lost 2 of 3 games to the 'Cuse this year? Not a chance. I'm sticking to my guns. The Bearcats are dancing. UC has more quality wins and the caliber of their losses is exponentially better than the 'Cuse's. I still think Seton Hall is dancing, even though they lost the "Battle of New Jersey" to I-Douby-lieve & Co. in what may very well have been the worst game in recent memory. (For the record, my memory is very short at this time of year. My hoops intake has been so GD aggressive over the last 3 months that I start saying things like "the Rutgers/Seton Hall game was the worst game in basketball history" even though I know both Temple/UMass games this year were far far worse, and yet neither contest was the worst game in basketball history. Simply put, all legitimate rationale has gone completely out the window at this point.)

True or False…I will watch the Sebastian Telfair movie on ESPN Sunday night at 8. False. Why? Because I will have only, at best, broken down one of the four brackets by 8, after watching 2 hours of Bracketology on CBS and ESPN. Priorities, obviously. And it's not like I won't be able to catch the movie 762 more times on ESPN 2 between April 4 and football season.

Jim Boeheim's rant on the Syracuse media regarding Gerry Mac was nothing short of glorious. Backing up his boy…solid as it comes. Is Gerry Mac overrated? No, because I never rated him that high to begin with. Would Syracuse have won 10 games without him this year? Probably not. I'm with Jimmy B in that regard.

When Gary Williams opens his mouth Maryland should hide…"I thought strength of schedule matters. We'll play Missouri State three times at a neutral site any day." Thank you, Gary, for reiterating that you have negative class. Who the F specifically calls out another bubble team? Apparently, Gary Williams does. Earth to Gary…1) Missouri State would sweep the Terps on a neutral court and 2) The fact that the Terps haven't beaten anyone worth a flying F this year might have something to do with the Terps' current situation. And no, I'm not buying the "Maryland lost Chris McCray" theory. Oh, and one more thing, Gary also said, "We're the only team in the ACC that had to play Duke and North Carolina twice." Maryland lost all four of those games. Gary is insinuating that the Terps should get a break because of this "strength of schedule." Wrong. Do you know why Maryland was the only team to play them both twice? Because the Terps were supposed to be good. Good teams are scheduled to play good teams. That's how conferences work. Gary, it's not the committee's fault that the Maryland program is in a 2-year nosedive.

How happy was I after 'Nova won at Syracuse last Sunday to become Big East regular season co-champions with UConn? Pretty f'ing happy. 14-2 in the Big East. Straight up silly, especially for a team that lost its "best" player (Curtis Sumpter) at the beginning of the season. Speaking of Curt, make a note now…the boy is going to be N-A-S-T-Y next year. Randy Foye and Allan Ray…first team All Big East. Randy Foye…Big East Player of the Year. Jay Wright…Big East Coach of the Year. Needless to say, this season has been a big slice of glorious pie. But the run ain't over yet…knock on wood, say Hail Mary's, do what you gotta do. I know I am.

As for my alma mater, the 'Dores home loss to the Vols last Saturday can be summarized in one word…pathetic. An absolutely atrocious performance in the final 5 minutes. No dancing in Nashville. I can wait until next year.

Is the Missouri Valley Conference really that good that it can get five or even six teams into the tournament? Is the Colonial Athletic Conference really that good that it can get three teams into the tournament? I don't know the answer to this question. But it seems insane to me. Nevertheless, if there was ever a year that the little guy was going to be represented in the Dance, it's 2006. Why? Because the ACC, Big 12 and Pac-Dime are so weak. Their weakness creates openings for the MVC and CAA.

Is Pitt's Levon Kendall named after the Elton John song 'Levon'? If so, why did the boy choose Pitt? He has lots of money so he can afford some size tuition. And his son's name is Jesus, which might make you wonder why he didn't consider a Catholic school. Just asking.

Before I die, will someone please explain to me what magical components help concoct the RPI?

Because I haven't taken the hoops needle out of my arm for quite a while now, I forgot to mention a memorable experience I had two weeks ago…my buddy Fierce and I attended a Monster Truck rally at the Baltimore Arena. As one might surmise, it was an experience. Top 9 observations from inside the Baltimore Arena, aka 1st Mariner Arena, on a Saturday afternoon while hung-over as donkey piss…

1. Monster Truck folks really like NASCAR. Specifically, they like Tony Stewart. More specifically, they like the most recent NASCAR champion. If I had won the Nextel Cup last year, I think I could have signed autographs until I hurled. I know this because I saw several fellows wearing at the same time Jeff Gordon Championship T-shirts, Matt Kenseth Championship hats and Tony Stewart Championship leather jackets. And I guarantee you there were a pair of Dale Sr Intimidator sunglasses in their pick-up truck outside.
2. The Baltimore Arena smells like 1985.
3. Monster Truck Rallies should be renamed 'Noise-a-thons'. Between the insanely loud trucks, the crazed dude yelling at the crowd over the PA to look at the trucks, and the insane rednecks just yelling to yell, it's a GD noise fest. And no, I didn't enjoy that aspect of the rally while I was hung-over.
4. What is the redneck infatuation with death all about? WWE has the Undertaker. Kids of all ages love him. Monster Truck rallies have the Gravedigger. Kids of all ages love him. Am I sure? Yea, I'd say seeing about 50 children ages 8 and under waving black skull and crossbones flags every time the Gravedigger started his engine enough evidence. You see…the skull and crossbones flag hangs off the back of the Gravedigger. And yep, I bought a flag for myself before I left. Please stop belittling me.
5. I'm convinced that Monster Trucks have brains. No one drives the trucks. They are like big mechanical tigers. Rallies are almost like going to a junkyard zoo. (I think that's why I have been capitalizing 'Monster Truck' throughout this column. They are proper nouns, like Thomas Jefferson or St. Louis.)
6. Two trucks broke down during the "event." Note: these are not small vehicles. So while the "event" is happening on one end of the dirt, there are forklifts and tugboats and all kinds of crazy-ass junk trying to push, pull, prod, poke the broken down Mechanical Tiger back into the "pits" which apparently exist in the bowels of the Baltimore Arena. I swear to God I am not making any of this up. Don't believe me. Ask Fierce.
7. One of the trucks that broke down after about 3 wild minutes of action was introduced the following way at an inhumane decibel level…"And now, ladies and gentlemen, get ready for a Monster Truck that has captured the imagination of children and fans alike for years and years…let's hear it for the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle truck!" Again, not joking.
8. I was privy to this gem exchange…(in the heaviest Charm City accents of course)…
   Mom: Hey!
   Dad: Yea!
   Mom: Hey!
   Dad: What?
   Mom: I just saw the Ringlin' Brothers tickets went oounnn sale.
   Dad: Yea.
   Mom: I'm getting' 'em.
   Dad: Yea!
9. FYI, nothing happens at a Mechanical Tiger Rally. There's plenty of noise and plenty of exhaust. But other than those two attractions, nothing happens. The trucks drive over some already smashed up cars. Apparently that's a "wheelie contest." Lame. The trucks race 30 yards over some already smashed up cars. Apparently that's a "sprint." Lame. And the kicker is that each event takes 3 seconds. Then the trucks have to hit the pits (or break down), the announcer makes up some point system telling the crowd who is "winning", and a Monster Truck "clown" comes out, tells bad jokes and throws T-shirts into the crowd. It's numbing. So numbing that we decided to leave before the "free-style competition" so maybe we missed the real "action." But to be honest, I thought the Mechanical Tigers were going to wrestle or something. Or I thought that there would be more fire. Or that they'd sacrifice someone. Nope, none of that. Just exhaust in my lungs and deafness in my ears. Nevertheless, I'm going again in 3 weeks. Gravedigger rules.

Thoughts from the Madness (3/9/06)…

You know this, but I'm writing it again…college basketball, especially in March, has a pronounced negative effect on my health…even when good things happen. Extremes are the theme of the month…anxiety, angst, confusion, euphoria. Each of the aforementioned "extremes" comes in spades in March.

Take Thursday, for example. I almost dropped dead twice during the 'Cuse/UConn game. At work. And I don't even like either team. Apparently yelling while watching basketball on TV is not an accepted practice in the work environment. But that's I did it and how I do it. Show me March and I'll show you a near death experiences. Thank God the 'Cats don't play during the work day.

So now that the 'Cuse has done the impossible (for this Syracuse team) and actually won two games in a row over legitimate squads, are the Orange dancing? I say yes. You don't beat #1 in the land in March when you are on the bubble and not lock up a bid. I'm sorry, it just doesn't happen. So Gerry Mac's heroics have truly been that…heroic. Put the Orange on his back and let him carry the load all the way to Selection Sunday. Impressive indeed.

Adding more chaos to an already chaotic bubble, the Pops-less Colonials from Foggy Bottom, DC lost to "the one team that you never want to play in March because they might beat you or stab you", aka Temple, in the first round of the A-10 tournament. And we all know that that means…yep, two Dance bids will now come from the A-10. Disgusting with a capital gross.

Who hurts deeply because of the Madness rearing its beautifully ugly head ? Let's take a peep. (Please refer to my previous column 'Bubble Bath' if you get lost. However, take note, I've made some adjustments to my final 12 spots rationale.)

As of right now, I have 60 locks in the Dance including Syracuse, Cincinnati, 4 MVC teams and the second A-10 team. For the remaining four spots, here's my list of "we're gonna sweat like donkeys come Sunday" teams, in order from highest probability to Dance to lowest…

Seton Hall (18-12, 9-8, RPI: 57, SOS: 31) - The loss to Rutgers hurts, but relative to the other teams in this group, I still think the Pirates are getting in. Yes, that would mean 9 Big East teams were dancing. I don't care. Wins at NC State, at Syracuse, and at Pitt are enough. The Pirates just have to hope none of these other bubble folks go nutty like the 'Cuse has.

UAB (23-5, 13-2, RPI: 44, SOS: 144) - The Blazers took care of business and won their first game of the C-USA tournament. Mike Anderson's team is hot like heat and would guarantee themselves a bid with a win over UTEP Friday in the C-USA semifinals.

Michigan (18-10, 8-9, RPI: 37, SOS: 30) - The Wolverines did what they couldn't do. They lost their first round game to Minnesota in the Big Ten Championship. Dance chances? Jeopardized. I had them as a lock a week ago. No mas. Now Michigan is in free-fall mode heading into Selection Sunday, having lost 7 of their last 9 games. Fire Tommy Amaker? Get that drum beating again in Ann Arbor. (Speaking of Ann Arbor, I saw a money pro-Ohio State shirt the other day. It was a red shirt that simply said on the front in grey letters…"Ann Arbor is a Whore." Brilliant.)

Texas A&M (21-7, 11-6, RPI: 48, SOS: 83) - All of this bubble chaos is helping the Aggies. Why? Because A&M knows if they beat Colorado on Friday, then the Aggies will have a "one-up" on the rest of these squads that have dropped first round games…see below. However, if they lose to CU, the Aggies move down this list and the Creighton's/Hofstra's of the world will be tap-dancing on their graves.

Florida State (19-9, 9-8, RPI:56, SOS: 87) - Ouch, my Wake Forest hurts. Start sweating in Tallahassee. Does an ACC record of 9-8 (including the Wake loss) and one quality win over Duke get the Noles in? I'm not so sure it does anymore. Noles need to do rain dances for losses by Cal and especially Maryland.

Cal (18-9, 12-6, RPI: 60, SOS: 68) - If Cal loses to USC on Thursday night, the Golden Bears move to the bottom of this list. After further review, their resume doesn't hold a candle to the likes of the five aforementioned teams. Winning at least one game in the Pac 10 tourney is Cal's Dance ticket.

Maryland (18-11, 8-8, RPI: 47, SOS: 12) - FSU's loss helps. The ACC is banging pots and pans to get a 5th team into the Dance. It's either going to be the Noles or the Terps. The Terps numerical rankings are better, but the Noles finished ahead of them in the conference and beat Duke. Maryland hasn't beaten anyone. In my opinion, the Terps have to go to the ACC Final to have any hope. Again, their resume, right now, is inferior to the aforementioned teams.

Colorado (20-8, 10-7, RPI: 51, SOS: 92) - The Buffs beat Baylor on Thurday. Now they have to beat Texas A&M on Friday. And maybe win one more. And then start praying. That's the simple recipe in Boulder.

Creighton (19-10, 12-7, RPI: 43, SOS: 58) - MVC #5 needs to continue to hope the big conference bubble squads, like Seton Hall, FSU and Michigan, continue to falter. The more they do the harder the committee will look at the Bluejays.

Hofstra (26-7, 16-5, RPI: 31, SOS: 123) - CAA #3 needs to continue to hope the big conference bubble squads, like Seton Hall, FSU and Michigan, continue to falter. The more they do the harder the committee will look at the Pride.

I have to remind myself to keep breathing. It's no longer an involuntary function. Good times. Back in the mix over the weekend. If for some reason you don't hear from me, enjoy Christmas…I mean Selection Sunday.