On The Plate ... 2/1/06

A Super Tuesday is Always Super w/ MC Jesus

Who are the GD geniuses responsible for the ESPN College Gameday ads? First, we get the West Virginia carpet rollout ad. Jerry West to Kevin Pittsnogle. Glorious. Now, those beautiful bastards from Bristol, CT waive a Rock Chalk Jayhawk ad in my face with kids waiving the wheat while softly chanting the "Hymn of the Prairies." Absolutely delightful? You bet. (For the record, I just made up "Hymn of the Prairies" and I think it's f'ing genius. T-shirts will be sold on this site in 2 weeks.)

Illinois (66) at Wisconsin (51) - What's better on a Tuesday night than eating pork chops, watching Big Ten ball live from Madison, WI and listening to the Big Ten Holy Trinity call the game? Yep, absolutely nothing. Actually, I can think of about 351 things that are better on a Tuesday night, but on Tuesday I settled for the aforementioned trifecta and I wasn't disappointed. Pork chops alla pizzaiola to be exact. What? Yep, that spicy vixen Giada De Laurentiis made me do it. I can't stop watching her GD show on Food Network. She's a f'ing biscuit who makes serious grub. I'm sorry. The chops were money. And so was the Big Ten microphone Jesus. Musberger was on point for this clash of first place Big Ten squads. In a perfect world, ESPN would dump Lavin and just put Erin Andrews in the booth with MC Jesus. And Giada De Laurentiis would be cooking pork chops on the sidelines. Now that would be solid.

Anyway, 3 thoughts from the game…

1. Illinois is really good. And Bruce Weber is a GD genius. Is it just me or do they only make layups? Their offense is an example of perfection. Think about it…Illinois is now 20-2, 6-2 after losing Deron Williams, Luther Head, and Roger Powell. How f'ing impressive is that?
2. The North Dakota State loss was clearly on the Wisconsin players' minds. And that wasn't a good thing. Why? I think the kids were more focused on not losing 2 in a row in the mighty Kohl Center, instead of just going out and playing their game. After jumping out to an early lead while playing ferocious D, the Badgers tightened up, got out of their slowdown routine and allowed the Illini to go on a 19-0 run to end the first half…air out of the building…inevitable nail in the coffin.
3. Wisconsin has lost four of its last five games. But if I were a Badger fan I wouldn't be dry-heaving yet. Uncle Bo Ryan has a manageable upcoming schedule to right the ship - at Purdue, Indiana, at Penn State. Yea, the IU game looms as the biggin' in that mix but a W at the Kohl Center over a Hoosier team that can't win on the road would be gigantic to throw out the "why can't we win at home anymore" vibe.

Pitt (76) at UConn (80) - You know it's a Big East hate game when it is acceptable for the Gampel Pavilion crowd to continually chant "F you, Krauser!" And no, I'm not making this up. At least I don't think I am. Unless I'm insane, which is debatable, I could have sworn that at various points during the game the upstanding UConn student section lit up their vocal chords with a "F you, Krauser!" chant in a "Let's go, Huskies" tone. Now, that folks is classy like Freddie Blassie. Ah, the UConn-victs…a special breed. Is it too much to ask that Jim Calhoun be sedated at all times? He's f'ing maniacal, and frankly it scares me, kind of like Buffalo Bill. I mean the man has clearly lost his GD mind. I like my Dad's theory…"I think it is pretty evident that Calhoun is not getting nearly enough oxygen to his brain." I also like the sentence he hit me with after making the aforementioned statement…"F'ing Calhoun. I hate UConn. We have to beat those f'ing cheating bastards." Indeed, sir, indeed.

5 thoughts from the best game of the year thus far (and this time I mean it because I saw it)…

1. From this point on, I will only refer to Marcus Williams as "The Computer Thief."
2. Carl Krauser's crossing of his arms to show love for the Bronx is f'ing dumb. But the kid be good. And he's been at Pitt as long as Rashad Anderson has been at UConn…8 years.
3. The sheer size of both UConn and Pitt is frightening. Everyone knows that UConn is huge, but the Huskies don't even look all that big lined up against Pitt. It helps that Pitt has 7'0", 270 pound Aaron Gray lurking the paint. Not only is Gray a giant, but he has soft hands, has touch around the rim, and is an absolutely outstanding passer. In other words, he is Pitt's key, not Krauser.
4. Where does Pitt get all of their guys? Yea, I know they are from NYC, but come on. Anybody Jamie Dixon puts on the floor can stroke it and slash to the rim. And for what most, including myself, would consider to be a mentally challenged team, the Panthers are actually very efficient on offense.
5. That being said, Pitt's last possession was horrible. Committing a turnover with under a minute to go down 1 in Storrs is unacceptable. I was surprised Dixon didn't call a timeout to settle his guys down and call a set play. But whatever, even in the loss, I think Pitt made a bigger statement in this game than UConn did. For the record, Rudy Gay's "and-1" on the Pitt turnover was strong to quite strong. But I'm still not buying that he's as money as folks say.

Georgetown (64) at DePaul (44) - Think of the Empire's music in Star Wars.

Florida (69) at Mississippi (58) - 3 quickies…1) UMiss needs a new floor...it's Barnum & Bailey-esque. 2) Florida is strictly an average team. 3) If the Gators are strictly average, Vanderbilt is atrocious. Can you believe that Vandy won by 7 at Georgetown? As of today, that is the one saving grace of the Dores worrisome season. And yes, the only thing I can talk about in the SEC is Vanderbilt. Why? Because I don't think there is anything else to talk about…yet…the Dores visit the Vols in a must-win Wednesday night.

Nebraska (59) at Oklahoma State (57) - Four L's in a row, 12-9 overall, 2-5 in the Big 12. Nebraska? Nope. The Pokes. Aye aye aye. For only the second time in Eddie Sutton's 16 years as Okie State's coach, the Cowboys have lost four in a row and are reeling something fierce. Why aren't the Cowboys better? I don't know. I understand that the Pokes lost some serious ballers - John Lucas, Ivan McFarlin, and the Graham brothers - but the current cast of JamesOn Curry, Mario Boggan, Byron Eaton and JUCO transfers galore shouldn't be 2-5 in the lackluster Big 12 especially when the difficult part of their conference schedule still lies ahead. However, if the Pokes start protecting glorious Gallagher-Iba Arena, they have a shot to get back in the at-large bid race. And by "protecting," I mean beating Oklahoma, Kansas and Texas. Yea, it needs to be serious protection. 3 quick observations from Stillwater…1) I love that Philips 66 sponsors every Big 12 game; 2) I must get to Gallagher-Iba Arena before I perish; and 3) The Eddie Sutton signature on Eddie Sutton Court is as money as it comes.