On The Plate ... 1/31/06

An Ole-Fashioned Southern Mauling, A Missed Buzzer-Beater, "Those F'ing Terps" and the Night the River Ran Red With the CSG's Blood

Is there a better trio of movie ending songs by one director than Wes Anderson's glorious trifecta of: Rushmore's "Ooh La La" by The Faces; The Royal Tenenbaum's "Everyone" by Van Morrison; and The Life Aquatic's "Queen Bitch" by David Bowie? I think not. And yes, this is what I think about when I'm not thinking about hoops.

A wise man once told me that you can try to take the game out of the Red River but you can't take the Red River out of the game. And you know what…that wise SOB was right. On Saturday I pooh-poohed the hardwood version of the Red River Shootout as a mismatch, a non-game and an eventual embarrassment to how poor the quality of ball is in the Big 12 this year. Well, guess who was wrong? That's right…moi. In how many ways? Check it…

1. The Sooners - I'm pretty sure I wrote this two weeks ago…"The Sooners were way way way overrated when the season began...they already have two Big 12 L's to Nebraska and Mizzou and a 1-point W over the Aggies. Ouch, my 'Nova W over the Sooners hurts." Apparently the Sooners aren't as bad as I thought. They just needed to wake up. And Kelvin and his boys did just that versus the Longhorns and in doing so salvaged a disappointing season (to this point) by showing up big in this one. How big? Try 33 boards, 11 on the offensive glass big. (Yep, my Nova W doesn't hurt so much anymore.)
2. Terrell Everett - want a big time stat line? 25 points, 8 rebounds, 7 assists. Solid. And funny. Why? At one point last season I wrote this about Everett…"And without a doubt, the dumbest player in the country is Terrell Everett. And I love him. He's a left-handed slasher who throws up running one-handers every time he touches the ball. And his shirt tail is always out. And his shorts are HUGE. He's glorious. Because of Everett, I'm 100% certain that I will be ordering Sooners shorts over the holidays for myself. And the funny thing is that you all think I'm joking." For the record, Everett still is dumb, I still love him, I'm wearing the shorts as I write…and I'll never talk junk about my boy Terrell ever again after his money ding ding performance against the 'Horns.
3. A "non-game"? - Because I thought this game was such a snoozer, I decided to watch exactly zero minutes of this gem. Instead, I was busy ordering halibut at M&S Grille and got served swordfish. Two lessons learned…a) never go back to M&S Grille and b) never snooze on the Red River Shootout.
4. The bet - The CSG to the Mayor Saturday night around 7:00…"Texas is a f'ing lock minus 4. I love 'em." Stop laughing please. I'm not very good at this.

Who let the Temple of Doom out? After scoring 34 heart-stopping points in a 26 point loss at UMass two Saturdays ago, the might Owls have put up 81 and 91 in consecutive home W's against Xavier and Maryland. Yep, Old Man Chaney's team of escapees put the hurt on two teams I've touted within the last two weeks. Apparently, don't play on the road at Temple. Why? Well, if you don't get murdered walking into the Liacouras Center, you'll get murdered once you enter it. That's the troof. One other thing…Mardy Collins is sillified. Double troof.

Best line of the weekend…I was in Charm City Saturday afternoon kicking around some waterfront bars in Fells Point because the weather was so GD unstoppable. My buddy and I decided to sit outside of Shucker's, enjoy a Dale Jr, and watch the Maryland at Temple game through the window. (Yes, the bar was actually called Shucker's. Apparently it's new.) Anyway, it was late in the game and the Terps were struggling. As we ordered another round of Jr's, three people approached the front door of the bar - a woman and two men who all appeared to be in their late 50's, early 60's. (Actually, in Baltimore, they may have only been 35 but you can never tell with the locals. Those folks can age in a hurry.) The woman entered the bar while the two dudes waited outside. After 30 seconds or so, the lady came barreling out of the front door and yelped to her friends in an exasperated Baltimorean, Long-O heavy tone…"Those f'ing Terps are down 9 to f'ing Temple. They can't win sh*t." And off they went. Ahhhh, Charm City. Now that's charming.

Has a matchup of perennial powerhouses ever been less touted than CBS's "money" game of the weekend, aka Arizona at UNC ? I doubt it. Granted, UNC is chock full of "who is that's" and 'Zona has folded like a typical "Pac-10 powerhouse" but I'm pretty sure CBS was hoping for a bit more pizzazz when they locked up this game. I can only hope that this is a 1-&-1 deal. You know, this year in Chapel Hill, next year in Tucson. Because the hype we lacked in the youthful Heels romp over 'Zona this year, we should be aptly compensated with come next year when Roy, Tyler Hansbrough and the 37 McDonald's All-Americans Roy has recruited head to the desert to play a "more adjusted" Wildcats team. Arizona is unraveling, or should I say, has already unraveled. Can you believe that UofA is 13-7? Poor Lute and his classy head of hair. He's already dismissed Chris Rodgers from the team. Jawann McClellan had season ending surgery. Hassan Adams is doing his best "I'm going to turn this season into a pro scouting session" by taking every and any shot he can. Mustafa Shakur is pissed his name isn't Jihad Mohammad. And Kirk Walters and Ivan Radenovic have been invisible. Simply put, things couldn't be worse in Tucson. On the flip, chalk up another solid W for the Heels. Every W helps the youngin's resume come March.

Congrats to Seth Greenberg and the Hokies on snagging their first ACC win this past weekend. Put a fork in Wake Forest who allowed the Hokies to snag that W in Winston-Salem. At 1-6 in the ACC, I think it's acceptable to close the books on this year's Deacs season. Talk about a tough way to end your career for Gray, Strickland and Williams. Damn. In my book, they're the biggest disappointment of the season thus far ahead of Kentucky, Louisville, Stanford and Arizona. At least the other four squads have legitimate chances of still making the Dance. The Deacs are done. And this marks the last time I write about them all season.

Hoya Paranoia is back. Just ask Cincinnati. The Bearcats got first hand notice after getting thumped by 19 at the MCI Center. I can now say that I am 100% officially scared of Georgetown. And not because they are old-school renegade but because they are straight up good. JT3 is creating something in the District that I'm not sure the District has even begun to fully grasp yet.

Put New York on alert…their cousin, the Garden State, had a huge weekend as Louisville figured out that "nobody wins at the RAC" and Seton Hall coined the motto "everybody wins at the Carrier Dome." New Jersey ball is officially making some noise in the Big East as the Rut sits at 3-4 and the Hall sits at 3-3, squarely in the thick of things. When is the last time Seton Hall ripped off two major W's in one week…at NC State and at the 'Cuse? PJ Carlisimo, hook a brother up with an answer. Flipping the switch, do you realize that the Orange have lost 4 consecutive games for only the third time in Jim Boeheim's 30 year career at the 'Cuse? And guess who the Orange have next? Yep, Rutgers on Wednesday…but not at the RAC. If I were an Orange fan, I wouldn't start sighing yet.

I stand corrected. The Big Ten apparently has more than five teams. Michigan and Iowa have won back to back biggin's on each of their respective home courts, and all of a sudden the Big Ten is 7 deep and a lot tougher than I initially thought. Tommy Amaker and Steve Alford are off my "hate-stick" list for at least a week or two. It's good to have the Wolverines and Hawkeyes back at the top of the Big Ten standings. Hell, with the Illini, Hawks and Wolves all tied at 5-2, it feels like 1989 again. And if you're not up on your Big Ten history, that's a f'ing real good thing.

How 'bout them Dores? Up by 3 at the half, lose by 23 in the end. That's a quality bitch-slapping, cooked up Florida-style. The Dores perplex that piss out of me. So good, yet so bad, so smart, yet so dumb. That's all I have to say about that.

I have three comments regarding Kyle Lowry's last second tip-in to beat the Irish…1) Thank you Jesus; 2) I love Lowry and 3) Had I been watching, the 'Cats would have lost. No, of course, I didn't see it live. I was getting on the GD Metro to go to M&S f'ing Grille. For the record, the 'Cats were up 17 when I rolled. (I know…that's no excuse. I'm a terrible person.)

Five quick observations from 'Nova's W over the Cards at the Wachovia Center on Monday night…

1. How many times did Pitino scream "Andre, get the F over here!"? 15 times? 25 times? Initially I thought it was a crazed Philadelphian just yelling xrap from the stands. Then I heard what was being said, saw Pitino's irate face, and laughed out loud. Apparently frosh guard Andre McGee couldn't do much right on this night.
2. The first 12 minutes of the game was a 3-point shooting exhibition. The 'Cats were 7-10 and the Cards were 7-10. Honestly, that might have been the best 12 minutes of ball played thus far this year. Actually, probably not…if I had seen the OU/TX game, I wouldn't be saying this. F!
3. For all of the credit that Foye and Ray get, and to a lesser extent Lowry, I think that Nardi is the glue to the 'Cats. His ability to make 3's is absolutely critical to the 'Cats ultimate success. Why? Because when he parks and drains, the slashing lanes for Ray, Foye and Lowry get that much bigger.
4. Louisville is the best team in America with a 2-6 conference record. I know that sounds dumb, but look who gave them those six L's…Villanova x 2, UConn, Pitt, at St. John's and at the RAC. Brutal. In other words, give the Cards a break. The Cards have 8 games to go. They must win at least 5 to get back on the bubble. Tough climb? You bet. But don't be surprised if they do it. Four of their final 8 contests are against familiar "Conference USA-to-Big East" foes. Also, for the record, Taquan Dean played against 'Nova like the leader U of L has needed since entering conference play. This can only help going forward.
5. Villanova is #4 in the country, 16-2 overall and 7-1 in the Big East. And it's February. Wow.

One last thing…shouldn't it be against the law for the Winter X-Games to bump Big Monday's second game to ESPN 2? Wasn't ESPN 2 created exactly for stupid xrap like X-Games? What the F are X-Games? Does anyone watch X-Games? I write about this every year and it never gets old.