If you ain't heard who rules the hardwood, check yourself ... Lords of Hooptown.

On The Plate ... 1/26/06

Hundred Dollar Baby

How money is the new Nike ad with the AC/DC jam "Rock & Roll Ain't Noise Pollution"? Pretty f'ing money. It's just a shame that the ad has two of my arch-nemeses in it…A-Rod and Tom Brady. I hate those two SOBs. (You enjoyed 'arch-nemeses,' didn't you? Sure you did.) Between the Nike ad and watching Million Dollar Baby two times over the last week, I have decided that I'm going to be the next Manny Pacquiao, aka Pacman the Destroyer. What a solid like a rock nickname. I think I'd just go by H.D.B…the Hundred Dollar Baby. That's pretty solid too. I think it will be worth getting up at dawn, running 10 miles, hitting the heavy bag, and sleeping in trash bag pajamas to get myself down to super featherweight fighting weight. I think that's how you say it. At 130 pounds, I would be f'ing ferocious. And I'd also adopt a Cockney accent, kind of like the gecko in the new Geico commercials. You know, words like 'other' would equal 'ovva.' And I'd say "yea" a lot, as in "Feel like ge'ing coffee, yea?" I think that'd be a good fit for the H.D.B. But what do I know? I know that I think Iowa's gold jerseys with white numbers are nothing short of glorifed. And I know that way too many teams have made their center-court logos supersized…and consequently their courts are looking Disneyland-esque. And I know that it's the end of January and I'm giving up already. Another typical season is beginning to hit its stride…

To the hardwood…Tuesday night lights…

Villanova (49) at South Florida (46) - Sound the f'ing alarm. I am now officially preparing myself to be incredibly disappointed come March. I mean how can I not be? First, I have to deal with the nailbiter at the RAC, then the home heartpounder versus Seton Hall and now this Chinese water torture game against the Bulls, who are 0-6 in the league. For God's sake, St. John's won at USF by 19. And the 'Cats win by 3? Please shoot me on the quick step. For the record, I don't give a F that Allan Ray was hurt for this game. 'Nova should have beaten the Bulls by 20. Period. VU has problems…but I can't get into that now.

Georgetown (85) at Notre Dame (82) - Forget the four-point play to end regulation. Everyone will forget about that in a day or two. What really chirps from this game is the fact that the Hoyas stuck it out on the road, got a road W to get to 4-2 in the Big East and are playing with some woofing confidence that hasn't been seen in the District since the AI days. And that's the truth. And the truth is scary.

Florida State (75) at Wake Forest (68) - What happened to Wake Forest? Someone mentioned to me that rumors were circling that Skip Prosser was thinking about taking the Cincinnati job if it opened up. Is that why the Demon Deacons suck? The nucleus of Gray, Strickland and Williams is solid…at least on paper, right? What am I missing? Wake at 1-5 in the ACC is shocking. So is the fact that the Noles are 3-3 with W's at UVA and Wake.

Miami (51) at UVA (71) - Who let the Cavs out? 4-2 in the ACC? Apparently, Dave Leitao's timetable for putting UVA hoops back on the ACC map is now. The Big East is the best conference in the land but the ACC might turn out to be the most fun conference to follow because of the 8-team pile-up in the middle of the standings. It's a GD jumbled mess.

Kentucky (71) at Auburn (62) - I've got a new favorite diaper dandie…Auburn's Korvotney Barber. Why? Because the kid's name is a glorious combination of Courtney, Rodney and Corvette wrapped in one. And no, K-O-R-V-O-T-N-E-Y is not a misspelling. On a more serious note, UK is now 3-2 in SEC after dropping its first two at home. And the "weak" SEC East is looking more vicious everytime I look at it. Am I worried? Very much so. The Dores have to get on their horse, especially after the Vols sent notice last Saturday by punking the Gators. In other words, the Dores need to win on Saturday in Gainesville just to keep pace with the division leaders.

Indiana (60) at Iowa (73) - Let's play 5 thoughts…1) You gotta love how old school the Big Ten is…this was a "jerseys-with-no-names" game. Solid. 2) Iowa's Adam Haluska is my new favorite player of the week. Not only can the dude stroke it from deep waters, but he's got one helluva mullet. In fact, it reminds me of my own. 3) I'm going to say it again…the Musberger, Lavin, Erin Andrews combination on the Big Ten mic is like having the Holy Trinity call a game. 4) Either Mike Davis forgot to have his suit pants hemmed or he was doing his best impersonation of Manny Ramirez in a Red Sox uniform. Them draws was long. 5) A gigantic W for the Hawkeyes. As Musberger said, "The Hawkeyes need to continue to hold serve at home in order to guarantee an invitation to the Big Dance come March." Well said, Big Ten microphone Jesus. It's always good to see Carver-Hawkeye Arena getting a little nutty. That's how it should be.

Wednesday night…10 observations from the observation deck…

1. Good riddance Chris McCray. Leading scorer…so what. The kid was a selfish player who was never better than average. In their first game without him, the Terps looked like a good team for the first time in '06 en route to a solid 12-point W at G-Tech. The McCray suspension is the perfect weird-ass type of thing that Gary Williams will use to his benefit to be able to rally his team. My $0.02 says he has them looking like the team everyone thought they'd be within the next two weeks. That's tougher than you think…the Terps next four look like at Temple, UNC, at NC State and UVA. Nevertheless, the team everyone expected to vie for the ACC crown would go no less than 3-1 in that 4 game stretch. Right? Right. We'll see if I know what I'm talking about.
2. How tough is it to win at the RAC? Apparently not that tough…Providence, 1-4 in the Big East heading into the game, rolled through Piscataway with a 10 point W. Just another reason to panic about the 'Cats.
3. Speaking of the Big East…how bout them Pirates? Big East/ACC Challenge? I don't think so. Try an 18-point slaughtering of ACC #2 NC State in Raleigh. Ouch, my ACC hurts.
4. There they are! 19 points from Palacios and 16 from Dean equal W's in Freedom Hall. All you Luh-ville fans repeat after me…"We're not too young. Our experienced guys have to show up. If they do, we'll win, and look good doing it." On the real, this was a must win for the Cards and Pitino's boys dug in and did it right.
5. Would it shock you if I told you that West Virginia has now lost to Marshall in consecutive seasons? Me too.
6. The last time I checked, losing by 24 at home to Iowa State was not the best way to a) maintain the recent favorable chatter concerning one's coaching prowess following wins over Oklahoma and Kansas b) support the theory that the coach actually knows what he is doing and c) suppress any mockery concerning the coach's ridiculous haircut. Quin Snyder…this is your life.
7. Just when I go and chirp against the depth of the Big Ten, Michigan beats Michigan State in Ann Arbor. What does this mean? I haven't figured that out yet. Either Michigan is better than I thought, or Michigan State is simply average. My gut says that neither point in the previous sentence is true.
8. Does anyone have some game tape of LSU that I can borrow? I'm afraid that I might have misjudged the Bayou Bengals. Well not really, but 50-19 over the Dawgs at halftime is damn impressive. But aren't the Tigers bound to lose 5 straight in February? I mean they always do, right? Lend me that tape if that doesn't happen.
9. ACC folks might want to start paying attention to BC again…I know 0-3 was a fun start. Believe me, I enjoyed it as much as you all did, but the Eagles have now won 3 in a row, and are back to .500 in the conference. In other words, they have a clean slate with 10 to go. And the scary thing is the Eagles stayed very calm during the downturn and have maintained their veteran poise during the upturn, kind of like it's no big thing. Unphased…that's when BC is the most dangerous.
10. Can I get a SEC East 8-day sweep? Tennessee beats Florida. Done. Florida loses at South Carolina. Done. Vanderbilt wins at Florida? Holding my breath.