On The Plate ... 11/11/05

Welcome to the Sleep Deprivation Vault

True or False…

• I listen to Ice-T's "Colors" at work a lot.
• I'm sad that Ricky Rudd is retiring from NASCAR.
• When Yahoo Music asks me "Need your fix of Shakira?", I say yes.
• I think that the "ground causing a fumble" rule is xrap.
• I'm seriously considering buying a Caron Butler jersey for two reasons…1) He came to the Wizards in exchange for Kwame Brown…2) I reminded myself that Butler was arrested 15 times before he was 15 and that he spent 14 months in a state prison for bringing a gun and cocaine to high school.
• I have circled November 21-23 on my calendar for the Maui Invitational.
• In my last column, I'm surprised that I didn't have a "money name" comment when I wrote the sentence "When Kyle Wright needed to make a first down, he found Sinorice Moss across the middle or Quadtrine Hill in the flat."
• Venezuela is my next vacation destination after hearing that Phillies pitcher Ugueth Urbina was arrested in Caracas for attacking five workers with machetes and pouring gasoline on them in an attempt to light them on fire.

The answer to the nine aforementioned statements is True- to-Very-True. What's my rationale? Here it go…

"I am a nightmare walking, psychopath talking, king of my jungle just a gangsta stalking, living life like a firecracker, quick is my fuse" may be the greatest intro in the history of music; Ricky Rudd is old school, and old school makes NASCAR money ding ding, aka F Kurt Busch and Ryan Newman; who doesn't need a fix of Shakira every now and then?; shouldn't you have to hold onto the ball no matter what? Isn't falling on the ground part of football? Back in the day dudes had to hold onto the ball no matter if an opponent, the ground or a dump truck tried to strip it. I straight-up hate this rule; I despise Kwame Brown and I love a good rap sheet; (for the record, UConn is a clean program…Jim Calhoun does not take bandits…he takes good kids…kids who bring guns to school and steal computers…right…the happiest day in Jim Calhoun's life was the day John Calipari left UMass, aka "the day the bandits were all his".); the Maui Invitational is going to be sick…an 8-team field loaded with four top 10 teams - UConn, Michigan State, Gonzaga, Arizona - and Maryland, Kansas, and Arkansas to boot. And don't forget money ding ding Chaminade; Sinorice and Quadtrine…Pharmaceuticals? Nope, Canes players, obviously; I hear that Venezuela is very nice this time of year if you're in to chopping people up with machetes and then lighting them on fire…which, of course, I am.

Isn't there an old saying that goes "If you fall off your horse, get back up on that bitch"? I think there is, right? Right. OK, so I mildly fell off my horse last week going 3-4. That doesn't mean I'm not getting back in the mix…

On the Slate…

Maryland (+2.5) at UNC - The Heels feel good about themselves these days after beating UVA and BC in Chapel Hill two out of the last three weekends. Meanwhile, the Terps are coming off back to back losses to Virginia Tech and FSU. But the FSU loss was a bitter loss…the Terps had the Noles beat and blew it. Oh, and the Terps also had a bye last week, aka "a week to stew on the loss at the Doak." Both the Heels and the Terps need two wins to become bowl eligible. In other words, this game carries some weight. I'm taking the Terps and the points…the tough L combined with a week of rest, practice and being pissed gives the Terps, who were playing well prior to the V-Tech game, the edge.

Northwestern (+19) at Ohio State - The Buckeyes have scored 35, 41, 45 and 40 points in their last four games, respectively. But those four games were against Michigan State, at Indiana, at Minnesota and Illinois. Not exactly defensive powerhouses. The 'Cats, on the other hand, have scored 51, 34, 49 and 28 points in four of their last five games. The one missing game? A 33-17 loss to Michigan in Chicago. Hmmm. Yes, the Michigan D put the clamps on Brett Basanez and Co. But remember that it was raining, one of Michigan's TDs was a fumble return and Garrett Rivas kicked 4 field goals for the Wolverines. In other words, it's not exactly like the Big Blue O ran up and down the field on the 'Cats D. So what? So +19 seems way too steep to me. I like NW.

Auburn (+3) at Georgia - What shocked me about Georgia's loss to Florida wasn't the fact that their offense was snooze-button-style without DJ Shockley. It was how easily the Gators ran the ball down the Dawgs throat in the first quarter. And, guess what the War Eagle does best? That's right, run the football. For the record, Auburn is 7-2 with a first week loss to Georgia Tech and a 20-17 loss in Death Valley to LSU after missing five field goals. Auburn should have beaten the Bayou Bengals. And I'm pretty sure that "Week 10" Auburn would beat the donkey out of "Week 10" Georgia Tech. Georgia can lock up the SEC East and a trip to Atlanta with a W. It's gonna be tough. This is the oldest rivalry in the SEC. Homeboys be hatin' on each other. The dudes getting the points are the dudes I like, no matter which dudes it be. So…I like Auburn. If the line was +3.5, I'd love Auburn.

USC (-18.5) at Cal - Trojans by 50. Period.

Colorado (-2.5) at Iowa State - That's right…I'm staying on the Buffs bandwagon even though they f'ed me by not covering at Kansas State two weeks ago. I don't buy Iowa State, I don't care that the Cyclones ripped the same Kansas State team in Ames one week ago, and I don't care that the Stardust is telling me they are iffy on this game by only making CU a 2.5 point fav. I'm betting the Buffs and ain't no one gonna stop me. They are a better team, hands down. In fact, for my money, I think they are the second best team in the Big 12.

Texas Tech (-23) at Oklahoma State - I've said it before and I'll say it again…the Pokes should just stop playing football for the rest of the year. At this point, it is an embarrassment. They are 0-5 in the Big 12, and only one game has been remotely close. For the love of God, Texas A&M hung 62 on 'em in College Station. That's bad. So what do you think the Red Raiders are going to do? They're going to try to hang 100 on the Pokes in Stillwater. I'm not joking one bit. Love the Red Raiders.

Miami at Wake Forest (+17) - Just a hunch…the Canes are coming off a huge W in Blacksburg, getting tons of ink and think they have resurrected "the U" from their recent minor dip (see 3 losses last year). What's the chance that they take Wake a little light? Better than average. What's the chance that I might wheel Wake, and those 17 points, into a parlay? Better than average.

The Focus…

Game of the Week… Clearly, LSU at Alabama. The outcome will cause serious ripples across the south and across the nation, no matter the outcome. Obviously, if the Tide wins, the "Tide = Auburn of last year" story remains for another week, and the Tide clinches the SEC West (combined with an Auburn L). If LSU wins, we can 1) stop talking so much about 'Bama and 2) start monitoring the Bayou Bengals. You see, if LSU wins out, including the SEC Championship, who is to say that they wouldn't jump the Canes in the BCS? Not I said the fly. And what happens if Colorado beats Texas in Houston in the Dr. Pepper Big 12 Championship? USC vs LSU…Battle of the 2003 split National Champs? Delightful?

Gagging at the Bowden Bowl... This game makes me ill. What a difference a week makes. At this time last week, I was marking the ACC Championship on December 3 in Jacksonville on my calendar as the next big game for the Noles after finishing 10-1. Now I'm panicked that the Noles are going to lose out. Lose at Clemson, lose at Florida, lose to Miami in Jax. 7-5 and headed to the Donkey Bowl. Not enjoyable times. This is not a joke - this scenario is very plausible. After the loss at home to NC State, I'm back to having zero faith in anything garnet & gold. And it sucks. On the bright side of things, at least the Noles and Clemson will be wearing money suits…I guess.