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On The Plate ... 10/11/05

Killing The Boss Softly

Joe Buck said it perfectly last night… "The Angels are killing Mike Mussina softly in this 3rd inning."
And Tim McCarver responded brilliantly, "Get me another scotch."
And George Steinbrenner retorted briskly, "Off with his head!"
Game 5 from Anaheim…Yanks at Angels. Delightful.

Some thoughts…

• Gary Sheffield might be related to Ray Ray. They look eerily similar. A question posed by my Dad… "Does that mean that Sheff has killed a man too?" Answer: Probably.
• Bartolo Colon is a human hippopotamus. And I think I'm being nice when I say that.
• I think Brian Cashman might be the only man happy to have a heart attack and die.
• Mike Scioscia is money.
• I hate all of the "sports glasses" in the Angels bullpen. What the F are they for? Are they simply glasses? Are they protective? Does K-Rod, Kelvim and Co. think they are the hot hot heat?
• It's amazing that a team with a $203 million payroll has zero, absolutely zero, pitching. It's highly amusing too to see Flash f'ing Gordon roll out of the pen like he's a badass. News flash for Flash…you're no good. Hang the kicks up. And lose the cholo lid. You're no Chad Cordero.
• True or False: I'm happy that Mike Mussina hasn't won a GD thing since he left the O's in 2000 and joined the Yankees. Answer: True. Mike left on amicable terms in Charm City, but he still left.
• A-Rod and "Baseball Ray Ray" have been clutch players for the Yankees in the playoffs. Riiiight. I enjoy, at a very high level, watching these two SOBs struggle at the plate when it really counts. Is A-Rod really worth $25 million per year when he hits into a double-play in the top of the 9th inning after money ding ding clutch Jeter ropes a lead-off base hit? Yea, the guy puts up ridiculous numbers during the regular season, but at some point, doesn't that insane contract have to start weighing against number of rings? I think so. A-Rod is 0-2 with the Yanks. Had he contributed, just a little bit, the Yanks might be 2-0 with him.
• And as for Mr. "I'm the MVP of this team" Sheffield, he's all talk. But that's not a surprise. That crazy SOB has lost everywhere he's been. Nice series, Gary…you're the f'ing #4 hitter in a $203 million payroll and you muster 2 RBIs in 5 games. For the record, Jeter batted .333 in the series and Giambi (the dude everyone wanted to hate after the steroid blowup…more on him in a second) hit .421. In other words, it ain't like there weren't opportunities for Sheff to bring some boys home.
• Jason Giambi is totally my boy. Why? Because after publicly apologizing during the steroid blowup, he went back to f'ing work. Unlike that money-pit Sosa and "ouch, my knee hurts all of a sudden" Bonds, Giambi produced. Yes, initially, he played horribly. But he kept working, took all the BS that NYC threw at him and ended the season as the best hitter in a loaded Yankees lineup and as AL Comeback Player of the Year. Ding f'ing ding.
• Honestly, I was rooting for the Yankees in this series. The Angels bore me. Yea, they're good, and yea, I thought they'd beat the Yanks, but no, I didn't want the Chankees to lose to them. I mean who really cares about what the Angels do? Do the people of Los Angeles at Anaheim? (For the love of all things holy, how ridiculous is that city name?) A Yankees / White Sox series would have had so much more baseball umph to it.
• In all seriousness, what teams from California do people actually care about on a national scale? The Raiders, the Giants (when Bonds is playing) and the Lakers. That's it, right?
• Some things I know…I know I like the White Sox, I know I'm getting a Shoeless Joe Jackson uniform, I know that the 18-inning Game 4 between the 'Stros and the Braves was a gem, I know Lance Berkman kills it in Houston, I know that the Rocket's relief performance was nothing short of spectacular, and I know that Cards/'Stros is going to be absolutely awesome.

Yep, apparently I like baseball too.

This past week on the gridiron vexes me. I am terribly vexed. (And it has nothing to do with the Ravens performance in Detriot, which was a beautiful combination of frightening, hilarious, harrowing, numbing and calming. Frightening…I was scared someone was going to pull a gun out of their pants like in "Last Boy Scout"…Hilarious...that a professional team could totally implode to that point that these "professional" players thought that it made sense to attack referees, throw balls at walls and make lude gestures to Lions fans…Harrowing…see Hilarious reason and let it sink it…Numbing…because the Ravens season is officially over after four weeks…Calming…the Ravens season is over after four weeks and now I won't feel depressed after we lose to the Browns on Sunday.)

To the Gridiron Vexation…

How the F did Northwestern beat Wisconsin and what does the L say about the Badgers? Giving up 51 points to anybody is bad much less the mighty Wildcats. Guess who had coin on Big Red? Yep…With his three TDs against Wake, FSU QB Drew Weatherford has now thrown for over 1,200 yards and 10 TDs with only 4 Interceptions. That is more yardage and more TDs through 5 games than Chris Rix had all of last season. Don't sleep on the Noles anymore, they're officially really good again…Did you see the chop block by UVA offensive lineman Bill Butler on money BC defensive end Mathias Kiwanuka? It was one of, if not the, worst chop attack I've ever seen. Butler should have been shot on sight. I hate UVA…Why does Temple have a football team? I mean seriously…Not much is hiding the fact that Michigan, yes Michigan, is 3-3. Ouch, my Wolverines hurt ….How does Minnesota get bombed at Penn State and turn around one week later and win in Ann Arbor? Vexed yet? For the record, I did love seeing the Minnesota players raid the Michigan sideline for the Little Brown Jug. 19 years of futility against Big Blue down the drain. It must have felt good to finally pick that bastard up...I hope no one thinks that Texas' win over the Sooners was impressive. It was mandatory. Anything short of a blowout would have been troubling. That being said, well done Mack Brown, you finally got Bob Stoops off your shoulders …Someone explain to me how Iowa State lost at home to Baylor. For the record, it was Baylor's first ever road win in the Big 12. They were 0-37 on the road over the last ten years since the Big 12's inception…Does Iowa's mugging of Purdue in West Lafayette mean Iowa is getting good again? Or does it mean that 2-3, 0-2 Purdue is awful? I think it might be a combination of both…Why does Nebraska keep f'ing me? F'ing Texas Tech was up 21-0 early. Guess what? They didn't cover…Should USC fans be nervous that the Trojans gave up 21 points to Arizona one week before taking a trip to South Bend? Indeed…Apparently Louisville doesn't like UNC too much. Lousiville, your hands are freezing!… Is Colorado good? ...Is Texas A&M awful?...No vexation here - Vanderbilt lost again…What gives in the Pac-10? Oregon murders Dirk & Co in Tempe and UCLA grits out a last second W in the Rose Bowl versus Cal in a zero-defense game. I don't understand the Pac-10 …Apparently the Bugs Bunny Giant didn't get the memo that Vols fans don't like getting crushed at home, especially to Georgia. The SEC East now rests in the succulent arms of the "World's Largest Cocktail Party" Lady …Last but not least…Penn State…V-E-X-E-D …Wow…love it…Penn State in the Top Ten…where's Lavar Arrington? No really, where is Lavar Arrington?

Miami -40 at Temple? Thank you, Jesus…many more where that came from coming Friday. Stay tuned.