On The Plate ... 9/15/05

When Terra Speaks, I Listen

"Folks, I'm pulling like crazy for the Commodores. Vandy is 2-0, but it hasn't had a winning season since 1982. It's not easy to win in the SEC when your football players have to be big-time students before they're football players. I've looked at the Vanderbilt situation time and time again and thought man, if they could just find a way to schedule three lousy nonconference teams and then win three of eight in the SEC, they should be able to pull this off. But year after year, Vanderbilt comes up short. Now the Commodores are worth watching. They're finally home for three games against Mississippi, Richmond and Middle Tennessee. They could be 5-0. And if you look at their schedule the rest of the way, they may need to be. But if they go 6-5, they'd better be headed to a bowl."
                              --- Mr. Terra Bowden

Deep down I always knew that Porky Pig was smarter than he led folks to believe. In fact, after reading his testament to backing the mighty Dores, I might have to call him a GD genius. Even if he calls games while eating chicken legs.

(For the record, I like how Terra backs the "schedule three awful teams and pray to win three more" strategy in order to make a bowl game. He never cheated at Auburn. Never.)

I'm trying to be as low-pro about this whole Vanderbilt thing as possible. But seriously, can you believe that Vanderbilt is 2-0? I have to remind myself everyday that we are talking about Vanderbilt football, not hoops. When cartoon characters like Terra are talking about the Dores, you know things are beginning to get a little nutty. To that point, I'm shutting the F up on the subject. I just wanted to bring it to everyone's attention that I am well aware of what my boys in NashVegas are getting done. (Yes, people are actually asking me questions like "Did you see Vanderbilt this weekend?" and "Did you stay up for the entire Noles game?" Jackasses, I know I've been dead, but come on, I haven't been that dead. And don't think that I won't be several Dale Jr's deep at 12:30 this Saturday when the Rebels visit Vanderbilt Stadium. ESPN GamePlan is a Godsend.

Speaking of game plans, I, as you all by now are well aware, had no game plan last weekend. Or GamePlan for that matter. But I did watch hours of ball. Thoughts? You bet…

• The bet that I should have made, and didn't, was Virginia Tech giving 20 to Duke. An early Christmas present wasted. Little Vick was silliness pie (that's CSG talk for saying "wicked awesome" for all of you Bostonians out there). True or False…Duke's new helmets with the "D" are more money that the old cursive "Duke" logo? Answer to last week's T or F…both true and false. Why? The "W's" on the retro Wisconsin helmets were so hideous that I actually ended up liking them. Consequently, they weren't hideous. They'll flip ya, they'll flip ya for real.
• What's the over/under on Pitt games played before Dave Wanstedt gets canned? I think it should be 2. Who wants to see Ohio play Nebraska? I do. Why? Because Frank Solich's Bobcats would probably whip up on the highly unimpressive Huskers. On the topic of over unders, what is the O/U on seasons in Lincoln for Bill Callahan?
• Was I happy that Clemson came back to beat Maryland? Obviously. Did MD's loss ease my pain from the MD win over Navy? No. Is it just me or is Charlie Whitehurst playing like a born-again QB? Last year he may have had glaucoma. That might be the only excuse for all of the picks he threw. Now check this madness…in Clemson's two games so far this year (A&M in Death Valley and at the Terps) Chuck White is 32-for-41 (that's roughly an 80% completion percentage for all you math nerds out there) for 363 yards, 2 touches and no picks. That SOB must have had some Lasik up in them sockets.
• Anybody scope UNC's new pants? One stripe down the side. Kind of like UCLA's hoop shorts, except not two-toned. Money? Indeed. I wouldn't sleep on the Heels this year. I was impressed to quite impressed with their effort against the Wreck. I know a lot of kids chirping about Wisconsin -3.5 in Chapel Hill on Saturday night. "What? Only 3.5? I love the Badgers. They're the top rushing offense in football!" Yea, I know, but they played a no-defense Bowling Green and Temple, who needs to be locked in the basement. I think the Badgers are a trap bet. I'm staying away.
• How much meth was consumed in the parking lot before Iowa at Iowa State last weekend? Do you think that meth labs across the Midwest circle this date every year on their calendar? Is it the biggest meth sales day of the year, kind of like Fourth of July weekend for Dale Jr sales? God, I hope so. I didn't see this game. However, I still have two comments…1) Propers to Drew Tate for making a hard tackle after getting picked (even though he was concussed on the hit) 2) I love the word concussed.
• The Ole Ball Coach is back. That crazy SOB was in fine form Saturday night. Visors going on. Visors coming off. Headsets getting thrown. QBs getting verbally assaulted after every 3 and out. Frowns. High fives. Disapproving head-shaking. Fist pumping. The only thing he didn't do that he always does was win at Georgia. Do you think Mark Richt was happy when the Gamecocks didn't make the 2-point conversion? Yep, just a little bit, along with every other Dawg fan in the South.
• The Citadel was beating FSU 10-3 late in the second quarter. Check please.
• Fasten your seatbelts. The Irish bandwagon is in full gear. And it should be. Or should it? Back to back road wins over now pathetic Pitt and a "maybe they shouldn't have been #3" Michigan doesn't necessarily make me a believer. Am I impressed by the wins? You better GD believe it. Am I penciling in October 15 (USC at South Bend) as the be-all, end-all game of the year? Not yet. Do I have total respect for Charlie Weis? In the words of Eli Cash, "indeed, very much so." Why? Because he's taking the "one game at a time" approach, and I'd be willing to bet, that that idea has been instilled into each one of his kid's heads. And that's a good thing because Michigan State has owned the Irish over the last several years.
• I think the pollsters may have gotten a bit ahead of themselves with Michigan at #3. Remember, the Wolverines do start a sophomore at QB and tailback. And remember that the Wolverines D was nothing to get too nutty about last year. But what's done is done and hindsight is 20-20. Had Big Blue ripped the Irish I wouldn't be writing this. It will be interesting to see how they bounce back at Wisconsin in 2 weeks. Sorry, Eastern Michigan doesn't count as a bounce back game this week.
• The big game in Columbus felt like a big game. And for the most part, it was played like a big game should be played. Vince Young made plays. OSU's linebackers made plays. Texas' D stood their ground when UT turned the ball over in the second half. OSU's D stood their ground after falling behind by 10 out of the gates. Good stuff all around…but (there's always a but) I didn't leave this game thinking that either of these teams can hang with the Trojans. I hate to say it. You know I do. But putting Texas in the USC camp is a mistake this early. Neither team wowed me. OSU's linebackers wowed me. That's about it. Vince Young for Heisman? Sorry, cant get there. Not yet. He's tough as balls. But that doesn't mean he's getting my vote. To be brutally honest, I don't think either of those teams could beat Miami. And you know I hate to say that. Then again, I've always hated Ohio State and Mack Brown, so maybe this is just a hatefest. Here's my question…are the OSU and UT offenses really that good to justify the ink that their defenses are getting after that game? I don't think so. Now imagine the Trojans O out there. Yep, it doesn't look good. Unless, of course, you're a Trojan fan.
• Louisiana State University played for the State of Louisiana and delivered a gem for the ages. God bless 'em.

The Sun Shines on the Sunshine State this weekend…

Tennessee at Florida (-6.5) - Urban Meyer is saying that Tennessee is the most talented team he has ever coached against. Thanks Urban. We couldn't decide if BYU slightly edged out the Vols on the talent scale. Urban should have said, "Tennessee has more talent that the entire WAC combined." And then he should have said, "But my Gators have more talent than Tennessee and they're pissed to boot." Give the points, although 6.5 does seem hefty, and take the Gators. The new era of the Swamp will begin at 8:00 PM Saturday night.

Miami (-7) at Clemson - Despite all of the love I've dropped on Clemson in my last two columns, Clemson's fate can be summarized with a few very quick facts…1) Miami is 0-1, 2) Miami has had two weeks to stew since losing to FSU, 3) Tommy Bowden is Bobby Bowden's son, 4) Clemson beat Miami last year in the OB, 5) If Miami loses they are out of the national and ACC championship races after two games. Do you think the Canes have a little incentive to bring the hurt on Death Valley? Aye aye aye, yes. I love the Canes in this one. Big.

FSU at Boston College (+2) - I already got the check. Let's get out of here. It's time to start saying rosaries.

3 thoughts on some others…

Apparently the Plate is growing. When I looked at the lines on Monday, all I focused on were games with some "sunshine." Time, and a week removed from making some plays, make your eyes to get real wide…

UVA (-7.5) at Syracuse - 1) Al Groh's gents looked awful in Week 1. Coming off a bye, I believe the ship should be back on course. 2) I know wacky things happen in the Dome but Syracuse sucks. 3) Give 'em, take the Cavs.

Oregon State (+14) at Louisville - 1) OSU is on a high. They're coming off a home W against Boise State. 2) UL looked dangerously beatable at Kentucky two weeks ago. However, they are coming off a bye and Bobby P probably has his guns blazin'. 3) I won 6 in a row with the Beavers last year…let's roll the dice one more time…take OSU and the two touches.

Oklahoma (+7) at UCLA - 1) The Sooners look atrocious. 2) UCLA has lots to prove. 3) Are you kidding me? On principal only, I'm taking the Sooners. Getting a TD from UCLA? Come on now. Remember - the Pac 10 eats…that's why I like Oregon State…I'm an idiot…never listen to me.

Northwestern at Arizona State (-15) - On the same topic… 1) ASU should have beaten LSU last week. Fate just got in the way. 2) And NW squeeked, I mean a failed 2-point conversion squeeked, by NIU. 3) The Sun Devils suits are too money not to give the points. Sun Devs in a rout.

Arkansas at USC (-31) - 1) Who am I kidding? I love the Pac 10! 2) Vanderbilt scored 28 points on the Hogs in Hogland last weekend. 3) Enough said. I'm thinking the Trojans put a 6-handle on the board.

The Spartans, the Tar Heels and the Ole Ball Coach scare me too much to lay some wood on their respective games.

The "You wanna get nuts? Well come on, let's get nuts" parlay of the weekend…Toledo (-29), Wake (-13), Rutgers (-21.5), Texas (-41), ASU (-15), USC (-31). 6 ways equals big pay.

How horrible will the Pitt at Nebraska game be? It's a shame it isn't 1981.
How many fights will there be in College Park for West Virgnia at Maryland? O/U set at 37.
How nervous will I be for Ole Miss at Vandy? I'm already nervous.

Last, but certainly not least, in my effort to educate myself last weekend, the CSG thought it would be appropriate to venture up I-95 to his high school alma mater for some good old fashioned Friday Afternoon Lights. The bill was hot…District #1 DeMatha at Charm City #1 Gilman. A slugfest of the beltways if you will. Think of it as I-495 vs I-695. And as I've noted 1000 times before, the District may have the flash but Charm City has the heart. Down 12-0 at the half, the mighty Gilman Greyhounds out-hustled, out-muscled, out-classed and out-flashed the Stags in the second half en route to a 22-19 victory. Well done, young Hounds. Not only did you make the CSG proud, you won him a C-note. (DeMatha was favored by 1.5 on Bodog.) Just kidding. Go bust up St. Joe Prep this weekend. Show those PA cats how we do it in The City That Reads.