On The Plate ... 5/11/04

Well Look Who Posted Bail?

Homeboys and homegirls…the CSG has shaken loose. What time is it? Gametime. What time is it? Gametime. Are my dogs in the house? Woof woof woof woof. (Even more ridiculous in words, isn't it?)

There are four very simple reasons for my recent 6-week lockdown…

1. I took my own advice and did what Ron Artest would do. I went up into the proverbial "stands" and f'ing went nutty. You know what I'm talking about. No, you don't. In all actuality, I just wanted to get my boy Ron Artest up in this junk. And in all actuality, I've been in prison. But that's another story for another time.
2. Apparently working really long days during the week turns the CSG into a blithering imbecile on Friday night which in turn only gives him the capacity to microwave macaroni and cheese and sleep on Saturday which in turn makes him an over-rested energetic freak on Sunday. Consequently, actually writing columns becomes very difficult. Thinking about them? Not difficult. Writing? Yes.
3. We've had some technical difficulties at the CSG tech support center. If we sold CSG gear, we'd be putting complementary T-shirts, headbands and earmuffs in the mail to all of the CSG's devoted readers. Thanks for your patience. Or your lack thereof. Some of you f'ing pricks are killing me with the heart-wrenching emails about how dead the CSG is.
4. Most legitimately, my computer situation is a little f'ed. Up until two weeks ago, I had been using my brother's computer. But he just finished taking typing lessons, got an A from his advisor and is really feeling like he's on top of the world. So much so that he threw me in front of the bus, and took his f'ing computer. Now I'm stuck with a computer that resembles an Atari. But the mofo works…except for the screen. Awesome.

So what the hell have I been up to? A lot of nothing. A lot of everything. A lot of "time flying" and lot of time figuring out where I went. Or if I even landed. Or where to land if I ever get control of this damn plane. Right. Enough.

OK, let's see. So I never wrote Part 3 of my tournament wrap-up. (Yes, the NCAA basketball tournament. I know it ended eons ago.) I could write a dissertation on my 2005 hoop experience. But I'm not going to write it because no one wants to read it and I don't want to remember it. For all of the good times had (insert Villanova going Dancing to the 16 and Louisville windbreakers), there was way too much "catching up" involved. I don't play catch up in March. I never will. And I won't write about because it'll suck. And I don't write stuff that I know sucks.

And because of that, I took a break. A long break. The CSG had no ink on the Masters, Opening Day, Talladega or the Wizards in the playoffs. I know. It's brutal. Sorry. But I want back in. And I'm coming in whether or not anyone cares.

That's it? No, that's not it. An anecdote….

A few weekends ago I went to my buddy's wedding in Tarboro, North Carolina. Where? Yea, I thought that too. Tarboro may not be a household name but do yourself a favor and look it up when you are heading through Rocky Mount, NC on I-95. It's a little southern town that throws a great pig-picking party, pours an extremely cold beer at Nico's and lets a jackass from Charm City, aka the CSG, act like a fool without giving a damn. In other words, it's totally my kind of place. Many thanks to the folks in Tarboro, especially Dr. Lee, for putting the shindig together. It was special. And it was a whole lot of fun.

On Sunday, after the festivities, the CSG, Partyboy and Partyboy's special ladyfriend rolled into Chapel Hill to bust some noggins. FUnc. Like I've always said. So what did I realize? I realized who am I trying to kid. Franklin Street is one of the greatest streets in America. UNC is f'ing ridiculous. I love the damn place. But I despise their hoops team. So there it is. Sorry, Dad.