On the Plate … 1/13/05

If You're Stupid & You Know It, Clap Your Hands

I have a new favorite quote. Mike Patrick dropped it during tonight's Duke / NC State game…

"Well that was a 10 on the 'I just lost my mind' scale."

Who was Patrick referring to? Of course, the one and only Julius Hodge, aka the winner of the CSG 2004 Dumbest Player in America award. Needless to say, after watching the Devils win at the RBC Center, Julius Hodge has firmly reclaimed his position as the Dumbest Player in America. I just got off the phone with the Stardust and they confirmed that he is now a 1:2 favorite to repeat as the DPA in 2005. He is, by far, bar none, the dumbest SOB I have seen in a long, long time. I'm 98% sure that Hodge passed the ball twice during the entirety of the game. Every other time he touched the ball he shot it. Actually, he wildly drove to the basket and threw up a f'ing rock. It was shocking. And frankly, it was pretty enjoyable. Nothing changes.

Before I throw a few pennies at some of the last two night's action, I've got to ask a very serious question. Will someone please (PLEASE) explain to me why ESPN finds it necessary to have complete morons on their halftime sets? We all know Digger. He's a GD goof. But because he's Digger, we have to live with him. But what the hell is Doug Gottlieb doing on the halftime set? He's an absolute imbecile. I've said it before and I'll say it again - he makes me ill. He's that dumb. Not good. Not good at all.

(For the record, I couldn't be any happier about the creation of College Gameday for hoops. However, I remain a tad reluctant to get too nutty because I know that Digger will be in the mix to some degree. I can only pray that the hoops version has Digger equaling Corso and Jay Bilas equaling Herbstreit. Because if Mike Jarvis equals Herbstreit, I might have to gut myself.)

To the hardwood…

Georgia Tech at UNC - Welcome my son, welcome to the machine! Holy crap, the Heels look amazing. In fact, I'm not sure I have seen a team dismantle other quality teams like this since Vegas '90 or Arkansas '94. Offensively, defensively, in transition, on the glass. You name it - UNC is playing at another level. If they go into Winston-Salem on Saturday and whip the Deacs, phone this season in. The Tarheels will be cutting down the nets in St. Lou. (However, the threesome of Felton, McCants and May have only won 4 road ACC games in their career. Yep, 4. And one was this year at V-Tech. So maybe there is hope for the season after all.)

Texas at Texas A&M - Whoever is doing the hiring at A&M has got his shiznit together. Dennis Francione on the gridiron and Billy Gillespie on the dancefloor. Not a bad combo when you are trying to breathe some life into your athletic program. If it were up to me, that guy would have a statue on some lawn in College Station. Can you believe that A&M is 12-1 with a win over Texas and a 5-point loss at Kansas? Silliness pie.

Mississippi State at Tennessee - So what you are telling me is that Vandy goes to Knoxville, wins by 25 and four days later #11 Miss State goes to Knoxville and loses? Right. Conclusion? The usual - the SEC West sucks.

Vanderbilt at Kentucky - Not a pretty one. The Dores lost big, but no sweat. L's at UK are the norm for the kids from Nashville. What's amusing about this game is that I spent the majority of the night at a friend's place watching the score ticker. The game was supposed to be on Fox Sports South but got blacked out in the District for some stupid-ass reason. By the second half, I wasn't fazed a bit. 10 beers will do that to you. Right now I'm clapping my hands with Julius Hodge, Doug Gottlieb and the District.

Miscellaneous Junk - 1) If you think Dwyane Wade has a unique way of spelling "Dwayne," check out Deywane Lee at Arkansas State. That's right - D-Wayne. Unstoppable. 2) Is there any doubt that Tom Penders will turn Houston into a scarily competitive team really soon (already a win over Louisville)? And is there any doubt that his team will be "scarily competitive" because the majority of the guys he brings to Houston will be 29 years old on average and will have served jail time at one point in the last 5 years? 3) I'm giving a 'yow yow' to Ben Howland out in LA. He's got the Bruins looking like a real basketball team again. Much respect, even if they are in the Pac-Dime. 4) Does it get any better than Memphis? First the fur coat incident, then Sean Banks is suspended for 4 games for "violating team rules" (aka 1st degree murder), and now Jeremy Hunt is indefinitely suspended for "pushing, shoving, grabbing and punching" his girlfriend in public. John Calipari and his boys are the real deal. 5) When Lon Kruger turns around UNLV, I'll officially be "born-again."

Is someone upstairs trying to give me a sign? Leading scorer and rebounder Curtis Sumpter and starting center Jason Fraser are both out 4-6 weeks for Villanova. Sumpter went down last Friday. News of Fraser went down 20 minutes ago. The season just took a U-turn off a cliff. The 'Cats, and more importantly my Dad and I, can't catch a f'ing break. I'm so pissed. (For the record, I ruined my Dad's night, weekend and maybe month when I called to give him the Fraser news. Not happy times. Definitely not happiness pie.)

Actually, I think I know what the big fella up top is trying to tell me…or at least I hope so…

"Welcome back CSG. Everything is exactly how you left it."