On the Plate … 12/18/04

Merry Emissions Testing

Christmas came early for me this year. This past Saturday I was lucky enough to pass my emissions test on my Jeep. I've never received such a nice Christmas gift. Do yourself a favor - if you haven't put "passing your emissions test" on your wish list, do it asap. It really is the gift that keeps on giving.

Quick question that is killing me…Did Tom Jackson lose a bet to Michael Irvin? I mean why else would Jackson wear the same suit every week on NFL Countdown / Primetime? Have I missed something here? And what's up with the same color suit, shirt and tie look? Can I get some help here?

I think my next haircut is going to be the "Prince Humperdink" look that Ringo Starr had as an early Beatle. Speaking of haircuts, the Patriots will not win another Super Bowl as long as Tom Brady has that futuristic Billy Ray Cyrus cut.

The Wizards "Baltimore Bullets" orange throwbacks are awesome. For the record, I was at a bar on Friday night where the majority of the people in attendance were captivated by the Wizards/Lakers game. Captivated as in yelling at the TV, as in clapping and cheering, as in legitimately backing the Wizards. It's just like Penny Lane says in Almost Famous…it's all happening. Well, the Wizards are happening. It was glorious.

Last Saturday's slate on the campus hardwood was quite intriguing, especially considering that we're a week away from Christmas and the kids are finishing up exams. (Oh wait, I forgot, these kids don't take exams. Thank God.)

Kentucky at Louisville - I officially have a new favorite player in college hoops and his name is Patrick Sparks. Talk about Hoosiers come to life. Patrick Sparks pulled a real life "Ollie." In fact, he is Ollie. Sparks, from Central City, KY, wasn't recruited by UK or Louisville. He initially went to Western Kentucky and transferred to the Cats last year. Ollie sure as spit wasn't recruited by Hickory. Hell, Ollie wasn't even considered a "player" on Hickory's team. Until, of course, he made the free-throws in the state quarterfinals. Sparks? Hello? 3 free throws to beat arch-rival Louisville in Freedom Hall with 0.6 ticks to go? Yep. F'ing Ollie Sparks. (For the record, some say UL had this one stolen from them. No way. They choked. Period.)

Arizona at Marquette - Travis Diener needs to shave his "beard" immediately. I'm not even sure if it is a beard. Diener may have glued some dustballs to his face just for yucks. It's hideous. And so was this game. 45-42? Now that's entertainment. On the bright side, however, I have to give Lute Olson some ink for benching Salim Stoudamire for whining and sulking after he was held scoreless in 'Zona's previous game. Not only do I now have a new favorite player from Saturday, I now have a new player topping my "eat it" list. Welcome aboard, Salim.

Texas at Wake Forest - It's a damn shame I fell asleep on the couch and missed the second half of this one. I'd really like to know what happened. I know. I blew it. But that's nothing out of the ordinary.

Oklahoma at Duke - What was this game called? The Wells Fargo Classic? Is that what it was called? It was the "something" Classic. And in all fairness the game was classic. Why? For two reasons - 1) I now know who has potentially supplanted NC State as the dumbest team in the country. The Sooners. And without a doubt, the dumbest player in the country is Terrell Everett. And I love him. He's a left-handed slasher who throws up running one-handers every time he touches the ball. And his shirt tail is always out. And his shorts are HUGE. He's glorious. Because of Everett, I'm 100% certain that I will be ordering Sooners shorts over the holidays for myself. And the funny thing is that you all think I'm joking. 2) JJ Redick's stellar second half awakened the "JJ Redick Hate Beast" inside of me. Good times.

Oklahoma State at UNLV - I didn't see a second of this game. I have no comment on it. I just wanted to put Vegas in the column. Why? Larry Johnson of the Chiefs got me thinking about Larry Johnson of the Runnin' Rebs. Even Chris Berman gave a Grand MaMa shout on Primetime. Beautiful stuff.

Georgia Tech at Gonzaga - Apparently a clinic was put on by the Zags. Martinis are good.

Towson at George Washington - Old CSG stomping grounds versus new CSG stomping grounds. Had to make note of it. As for the outcome of the game, the Colonials romped as expected. A question…can GW pull a St. Joe's from last year? Obviously they can't go undefeated because they lost to Wake in their opener. But 20-something and 1? Possible? Very.

I didn't watch Sunday's games. But if I had, I probably would be questioning how it is fathomable that FSU took Maryland to overtime (or how Maryland let FSU take them to overtime) and why NC State was considered a "Top 10" team going into their loss at Washington. Just a hunch that's what I'd be writing about. But I missed the games so I'm keeping me mouth shut.

Better Late than Never…This Week's Bowl Preview

12/21/04 Syracuse vs Georgia Tech - Considering it is 35-6 with 1 & change to go in the first half, I think it is safe to say that the Yellow Jackets were a great pick by me. Yep, I liked the Yellow Jackets. Just believe me. Come on.

12/22/04 Bowling Green (-4.5) vs Memphis - If only John Calipari coached the football team too…then everyone at Memphis would have a fur coat. Don't understand? Let me educate…

In early November, while the Memphis hoops team won an exhibition game, four players had their campus apartment robbed. According to the original police report, the players were robbed of $66,720 worth of possessions including eight mink coats worth $40,000. A few days after the incident a university spokeman said that the police report had been amended and that the players actually had nine fur coats and two fur purses stolen. But the smorgasbord of fur was only worth $3,600 instead of the original $40,000. Oh, and the fur items didn't belong to the players. They belonged to a friend.

And you wonder why I love Conference USA.

Speaking of loving, I'm loving the MAC on the field in this one. Give the points, take the Falcons.

12/23/04 Marshall (+1.5) vs Cincinnati - The trend starts now. I'm riding the Herd and taking the points. Big MAC truck coming through Bowl Season.

12/23/04 UCLA (-12) vs Wyoming - Your guess is as good as mine. So what do I think? I think Vegas knows more than nothing, which is what I know. The Bruins are nearly 2 touch favorites. I guess I like the Bruins. In fact, I know I like the Bruins. I love the Bruins in a f'ing mauling! (Wyoming will now win by 80. And I wont be sad. Pac 10 loses. Go Pokes!)

12/24/04 Hawaii (-3.5) vs UAB - There are a few simple rules in life. One of them is that Hawaii is awfully tough to beat in the "Sheraton Hawaii Bowl." Well, maybe not the Sheraton Hawaii Bowl, but the Rainbows / Warriors / Rainbow Warriors / Warrior Rainbows are tough to beat on their island. And it is their island. (A Braveheart reference?) And who is UAB really? I like the Hawaiians big.

I'll tackle the real "Bowl Week" next week when "Bowl Week" actually goes down.

Week. I just had to write it one more time.

Merry Christmas. Be safe and have fun.