On the Plate … 12/13/04

Peek-A-Boo

Hide and go seek is fun.
Seven hours a day of Series 7 Class is not.
Watching college hoops is fun.
Studying for a Series 7 Test instead of watching college hoops is not.

Spending all day studying for the Series 7 exam can make you a little nutty. Spending all week studying for the Series 7 exam will make you insane. Don't believe the hype? Get involved…

I've had an epiphany. I need to get more silver glitter involved in my life. And way more silver sequins. Why? Because they look just like diamonds. And everyone likes diamonds. You know…the "bling." The CSG needs some bling. So I figured I'd bling it sequin-style. Like those Raiders hats you see every now and then that have the Raiders symbol in silver glitter/sequins on an all black hat. Diamonds? No. Look like diamonds? Indeed. And people respect that. I mean if I wore that hat dudes would be like, "Yo, check out that cat's lid. It's got diamonds all over it. Man, he's money." Yep. It's kind of like the dude I saw in the Metro on Thursday night who was wearing an all black shirt with a picture of Bugs Bunny on the front outlined in silver sequins. I saw it and thought to myself, "Damn, that guy must be legit. He has a T-shirt with a picture of Bugs Bunny on the front of it. And Bugs is outlined in diamonds." Silver sequins = diamonds = legitimacy. Bling bling.

Why is Doug Gottlieb part of ESPN's hoops crew? I hate Doug Gottlieb. Hate? Yes, a big word. Why? Try this. Turn on ESPN during a game. Wait until halftime. See if Gottlieb is in the halftime studio crew. If so, try not to f'ing vomit all over yourself when you hear that jackass spewing from his stupid-ass mouth. I tried, but I couldn't. Vomit. Everywhere. Shirt ruined. Carpet soiled. Reason enough to hate Doug Gottlieb? Sure.

My buddy always says the phrase, "If I ___, I think I might perish." Now I always say the phrase, "If I ___, I think I might Roscoe Parish."

The ESPN movie #3 premiered this weekend. I missed it. Figured I'd catch one of the 36,742 replays this week. But what did I do in honor of the movie? I kept the mullet haircut that I accidentally got last Friday. Ok, it wasn't accidental. I got a mullet for the premier of #3. And I look awesome. Dundalk would be so proud.

The Wire is the best show on TV. Easily. F'ing so easily.

Do not have a few martinis, a few beers, and some wine and expect to impress anyone at your corporate Christmas party. Just a head's up.

Does the CSG email even work? Has anyone tried to email me? If you have and I haven't responded, it's because I never got it. Please try again at csg@collegesportsguy.com. Thanks. I still won't get back to you but we can pretend. Although a new mailbag could be fun. Right? Maybe.

Ever since Urban Meyer took the Florida job all I can picture is Walter Sobchek wearing an Irish jersey yelling, "Urban Meyer, this is what happens when you ___ someone in the ___!" I laugh out loud every time I think of that.

Anybody want to talk about sports? I'm going to go fast break style considering all of this is old news. But I think I need to throw my $0.02 in the pot. My list of pertinence from the last 2 weeks on the gridiron…

1. At what point will laughing at Notre Dame stop being fun? Probably when Ty coaches his kids for the last time on December 28 in the Insight Bowl. Yea, I'll stop making fun of the University before kickoff out of respect for Ty and more importantly the kids on the ND team. Did you ever think that "Notre Dame" would be synonymous with "A Joke"? Me neither. At least not on this level.
2. Congratulations to Urban Meyer for making the right decision.
3. How about the coaching carousel caused by the Willingham firing and subsequent Meyer hiring at Florida? I have a theory. Everyone involved in the Notre Dame / Florida whirlwind is going to make out much better than people think. And that includes Notre Dame. Meyer is going to be spectacular. Ty will have Washington back in the Pac 10 mix in no time. The Zooker is going to surprise some folks at Illinois. And Charlie Weis is going to do well in South Bend. I think in the end everyone will be OK, except Florida who will be steamrolling their way to an SEC Championship. They'll be more than OK.
4. I'm so happy the Big East Champion, the Pitt Panthers, are represented in the BCS. It just makes so much damn sense. If we're lucky, maybe the BCS will let the winner of D1-AA play in the BCS next year.
5. I could care less that Matt Leinart won the Heisman Trophy. I'm more concerned with the fact that that bastard dated the girl from Blue Crush. That SOB.
6. Where did Chris Fowler and Rece Davis come from and how did they get those damn jobs?!?!?
7. I plan on previewing every bowl except the one that is being played tomorrow between Southern Miss and North Texas. I don't know anything about it. That's why I'm taking North Texas and the points.

Didn't I say not to sleep on the Wiz? Didn't I? Those crazy f'ing Wizards are 12-6. I love them. I love them so much that I haven't watched one game yet this season. I think I'd probably get more involved with the Wiz if 1) It didn't cost $425 for a seat at the MCI Center in the nosebleeds and 2) I could remove the chip I had implanted in my head when I started this new job that made me slowly forget everything I love. Yea, I think I'd have more to say on my Washington Wizards if I could just get around those 2 small hurdles. F'ing brain chips. Not for kids.

Speaking of brain chips, is it possible that I unknowingly went to work for a colony of robots? Did I get roped into some kind of weird ass government study? I'm just curious. F'ing robots. They're taking over. Just ask Will Smith. He knows.

Kobe Bryant is clinically insane.

I started a T-shirt company. First shirt? "W.W.R.A.D." What would Ron Artest do? Selling like hotcakes. Hotcakes are pancakes. Apparently pancakes, or hotcakes in this example, sell very well. Because that is how well my T-shirts are selling.

I've watched as much hoops as I could squeeze in over the last 10 days in between the perpetual trainwreck that was my existence. But don't count me out…I've got some thoughts, hell, I've always got some thoughts. Here's what I came away with as I attempt to work my way back up the hoops ladder to a level that most of you are accustomed to…

• Through December 12, the teams that look head and shoulders better than other "contenders" I've seen so far are Oklahoma State, Illinois, UNC, Georgia Tech and Pitt.
• Arizona, Mississippi State and Florida are overrated. Shocking? No. I've seen nothing from them yet. (And yes, the "nothing" includes UF's loss at home to Miami. Uh huh, the Hurricanes. )
• How happy do you think they were in Chattanooga when the UT-C Mocs beat Tennessee in Knoxville last week?
• Guess who is going to as many GW home games as the robots will allow? This kid. Wins over Michigan State and Maryland? Dude. Look out Atlantic 10. I'm loving the Colonials. I just hope I can score some tix.
• Indiana has lost a lot of close games to a lot of good teams so far. Keep them in your rearview mirror come the first week of February. Their young kids can ball.
• Virginia Tech has already lost to VMI and St. John's. At least they're in the ACC.
• 2 history facts: Last week Notre Dame won in Bloomington for the first time since 1973 and UMass beat UConn for the first time since 1985. For the record, UConn looked like donkey in that game.
• Villanova lost to Temple last Friday 53-52. And so, Dad, the journey begins. Buckle in.
• Last but not least, my boys at Vandy are 4-4. They've been beaten pretty badly by some good teams - Southern Illinois, Oregon, Arizona State and Cincinnati. Am I handling this well? Without a sweat. I still have the taste of the Sweet 16 in my mouth. And of course the Dores are going to go 8-8 in the SEC East and make the dance. It's that easy.

I'll be back in the mix on Friday to kick off my bowl preview. If any of you happen to run into Will Smith, tell him I need his help asap. I'm a rookie when it comes to these damn brain chips and robots. And January is right around the corner…that means conference ball…and we all know that all work and no conference hoops makes the CSG a very unhappy boy.