On the Plate … 11/04/04

Bill Callahan-ing Myself

I've decided to become like Nebraska football for the time being. I can no longer run the option. I can no longer pound it up the gut. No more being slow and methodical. Now, unfortunately, I have to be efficient. I have to throw crappy 3-yard outs. I have to call screen plays. I have to play for 3rd & 2. Why? Because at 3rd & 2, I might be able to get a first down. And I'm needing a first down. My offense these days is always in 3rd & long and I'm sick of it. So I'm turning myself into the f'ing West Coast offense, and I'm going to deal with it.

What the f am I talking about?

Not only am I a dead man talking, but I am a dead man promising columns that never get written. ALCS? No. NLCS? Sorry? World Series? Forget it. Mid-year college football update? Not so fast my friend. That's going to get done…in increments. Let me explain. I don't have the time during the week to put together biggin' columns. For that matter, I don't have the time to put together medium-sized columns. And it sucks, because I've got oodles to write about. And I want to write the columns. But I can't. So, just like the Cornhuskers, I realized that if I keep trying to run the option I am not only never going to win the Big 12 championship again, but I am going to alienate my fans as well. So I have to make a change. No more size columns like Dead Man Talking. (Except maybe on the weekends.) I'm going to start throwing a few short passes to get a first down. I'm breaking out the Ginsu knife and chopping my up bok choi. (Is that how you spell bok choi? What is bok choi? I think it is Chinese lettuce, but it might be a man. I hope not.) In other words, shorter columns much more often. A slice every now and then instead of a pie in one sitting. This can get done. This will get done. Hell, I started the CSG doing this kind of writing with hoops. The GD summer of nothing is what has put me in this conundrum. That's a big word. Use it carefully. Anyway, this is the 37th time I've promised I'd write something "new" on this website. I wouldn't trust me either. But I really do think that I can put up more points than that mutt Bill Callahan does in Lincoln, NE. I'm going to give it a go. Believe me, I hate not being able to run the power-I, but sometimes a new start leads to better things. Off to the races…

I'm watching Louisville at Memphis right now. 3 things: 1) Lee Corso should have run for President. He would have had my vote. 2) I'm buying a Memphis jersey b/c they throw deep on every play. And I'm willing to bet that 73% of their players have at least one gold tooth. 3) I know a guy who has a friend who has $1500 on Louisville tonight giving 13.5. Gloriously insane.

By the way, there is 1:20 left in the first half of Louisville at Memphis. Score: 35-33. This is the equivalent of UNLV / Loyola Marymount on the hardwood back in the day. C-USA football is ridiculous.

I think Mark May might be gay.

Thank God Steve Spurrier is not coming back to Florida. I couldn't handle that bastard back on the Gators sideline adding to my Noles misery. For the record, I want nothing to do with what happened last week in College Park. I have nothing to say about it. Simply put, I am running and hiding. The cocktail that is Chris Rix, Xavier Beitia and Jeff Bowden is too much for me to choke down. So I'm pushing away from the bar for the rest of the year until a new bartender starts pouring.

If you didn't catch this tidbit, the last time FSU, Miami and Florida all lost in the same day was 1978. (I think. Might have been '77.)

Random - I've become a huge, HUGE, Wizards fan in the last 24 hours. Why? Not because they won last night, but because 4 of their players were suspended by the league for fighting, gun possession and elbowing Kevin Garnett in the face. How can you not love this team?

I'll be interested to see what Miami, Oklahoma State, Purdue, Michigan State and Texas A&M teams show up this weekend. They all lost heartbreakers last weekend. Get back up or stay on the mat? I'd have some of the games involving these teams below if I knew the answer.

CSG Saturday faves…

Northwestern (+4) at Penn State - I've got a feeling, a feeling deep inside, o no, o no, I've got a feeling, a feeling I can't hide, no no, no no. Northwestern came in through the bathroom window. (If you understand what this means/is, email me at csg@collegesportsguy.com. You are one of the chosen few if you do.)

Maryland (+14) at Virginia - They beat the Noles, right? Honestly, that's not the reason I like the Terps. I swear. There are 2 legit reasons: 1) I don't think UVA is that good. 2) I think Maryland's D is better than 14-point dogs. And Porky Pig said that the Maryland D is one of the most under appreciated D's in the country. I trust everything Porky says.

Notre Dame at Tennessee (-7) - I know that it is midseason, and I know that I have talked a ton of junk about the Irish, and I know that I have been wrong most of the time. However, losing a close game to BC should have no bearing on going into Neyland Stadium in front of 90,000 sweaty, loud, slobbering rednecks. The Irish only getting 7? Please. Take the Vols and give the points.

USC at Oregon State (+17.5) - I've won three weeks in a row with the Beavers and I'm not stopping now. There's a chance of rain in Corvallis, it's going to be chilly and it is a night game. If there was ever a game where the Trojans weren't going to win by 50, this is it. I'm loving the Beavers….to lose by 10.

From now on, keep a lookout for new postings. If all goes well, I'll be able to dump the West Coast O and adopt the Run & Shoot.